Summers without Her

1

2019

"Can you believe that we graduated?" Gavin slaps me on the shoulder and grins at me.

"Four years in this place, I'd say you better believe it."

"I'm still gonna miss it man."

I met Gavin Freshman Year. Since then, we've always stuck together with other people always floating around. He was prom king, star quarterback, you name it. Unlike me, he didn't want to leave High School.

"You can't be stuck in High School forever," I muse.

"I'll still be here nearly every day, with coaching the Freshman football team."

I sigh when I remember Gavin's commitment to coach. "Are you seriously still going to do that? After all I said? That's going to take away like half of our summer." I sigh. "What about Niagara?"

Gavin seems unnerved by my comment. "Dude! I told you! We'll still have Niagara. Plus, I thought you wanted to spend the summer in California wi—"

I interrupt him, not wanting to be reminded of her. "I don't think it's going to work out this time."

In reality, Gavin is unaware of the real reason I can't see her. It's because I was too late. That thing on her left hand the Christmas lights reflected off of last year was a diamond ring. She was already engaged when I made a fool out of myself and poured my heart out to her.

It's not like I wasn't invited to her wedding, because I was. I didn't go. After years of envisioning our own wedding together, the pain of seeing her up there on the altar with somebody else, just thinking about it, was too much.

"If you really wanted it to, you could make it work out."

I shake my head and think of how ignorant Gavin is. If only he knew . . .

'But you can never tell him,' I remind myself. 'That's like admitting to yourself that it really happened. And you can never do that.'

Point blank—I was in denial. And had been for the past six months.

<3 ash | 8.6.16