We Who Are Jaded

Chapter Thirty One

"Just one more Christine," Nate promised soothingly. I hugged him tightly, needing something safe and solid to hold on to. Tears fell in streams down my face. Nate wrapped his arms around me, saving me from myself.

A new wave ran through me, a sweeter emotion but still dangerous. It led me to wanting something, wanting someone. Uncontrollably my hands reached up and cupped Nate's face and I sought sanctuary in his eyes, sanctuary from all the emotions he'd inflicted on me.

"No Nate I don't want this and...and Beth and..." This was the emotion I had to fight more than any, the consequences more devastating than any other. Nate didn't say anything or do anything. It was my selfish whim which I was acting on but I couldn't stop myself. I lent in, the heat of his skin comforting and wanted to my own. 

"Please," I pleaded as we came closer than I'd ever dare. His eyes were so full of the horrors he knew, horrors he'd seen and I wanted to surround him, make myself one with everything he was. 

We were so close, his breath on my lips. My eyes darted to my hands that were clenched around his sleeves and then to his lips, so perfect, so close. The burning in my body was one so sensual and dangerous I was sure it was crafted in the hands of the devil himself. I inclined my head, pulling him closer and closer and closer.

"Nate I-" 

"Oh you're so vulnerable," Nate muttered; releasing me from his emotion twisting clutches. He lowered me gently back onto the swing and then sat himself down on the bark. I felt empty without his influence within me.

"Vulnerable?" I gasped, clutching at my throat. The alarm that suffocated me, the fear that tried to tear through the confusion in my mind and find something of sense was just too much. I was shaking. What had happened to me. I held my hands before me, questioning every inch of them. 

"You are so easy to manipulate, manoeuvre, persuade." Nate brought his hands to his neck and pierced me with his frightened stare. "It's hazardous considering..."

"Considering what?"

"That that's exactly what Red needs you to be." All we could do was look at each other, aware that there could be no misunderstanding what this meant. We were pawns, not fools. 

"I'm sorry," I said, struggling for any other words to make things better. 

"Don't be, it's not your fault Chris." Nate was captured in deep concentration – his eyes fixed upon the mix and match of bracken now. "To be honest you don't really need to be emotionally insecure for my master to get his way. He'll seize you using brute force if he has to." Nate clenched his teeth and glowered with a hatred I'd never seen before. 

"I'm not just sorry about not being strong enough but for what this stupid game has done to you, done to your face Nate." Nate didn't flinch at my apology, merely shrugging. 

"I'm not sorry. If my face is the price for your safety then so be it." Nate was ready to condemn himself for me and I rightly objected – no blood was going to be spilt for me but my own if I was going to have anything to say about it. 

"My safety shouldn't be reason for you to risk yours. Reasons like saving innocent people, people like Beth would be a far better use of your time and energy," I protested. Nate shook his head, pointing at me firmly. 

"You are innocent though." This time I shook my head, glancing at Nate sorrowfully. 

"Now we both know there isn't logic in that Nate. I played the game, rolled the dice and now I'm paying the price for my actions, making the likes of you pay right alongside me." I placed my hands before myself. "I was holding the ace but now that's slipped through my fingers I'm going to have to face my artful opponent without so much as a strategy."