We Who Are Jaded

Chapter Thirty One

I hadn't really done much such my gran had died come to think of it.

"You're right," I agreed, pushing off the ground harder. Quickly I gathered height until I was swinging as recklessly as Nate. We swung in opposite directions, passing one another with immature giggles. I didn't see the scars on Nate's face or feel the pain of the last couple of days. Swinging gave me a sense of freedom I'd forgotten since Gran had died and since...

You tried to kill yourself and the guilt of destroying every relationship you touch imprisoned you. This is who you are Christine Evans, a spiral of hopelessness.  

I stopped propelling myself and let gravity pull me to a stop. The thud of my landing seemed all that heavier with my thoughts weighing so heavily. 

"I needed that," I confessed, aware Nate was watching me carefully. 

"I know you did. It's funny how quickly we forget to be children and then how quickly you can remember." I reduced myself to a steady swing, Nate joining me in a more gentle motion. He inclined his head towards me but made no attempt to look me in the eye.

"I know about you and Kieran, Red has eyes and ears everywhere and Beth only confirmed the reports to me today, before we came into the restaurant." I gripped the chains of the swing, my hands becoming greasy.

"It's quite the drama but not worth talking about, all things considered." I sighed, kicking the bark that coated the play park floor. Nate's warm hand closed around mine.

"Christine you are in the middle of a very shambolic state of affairs with both Red and Indigo making a complete mockery of your life, all things considered a mark or two on my face is the least of our trouble." There was almost something of a tease in Nate's tone but no amount of delusion would distract from the fact the scars of Nate's face were simply a taste of the seriousness of the situation. 

There was no mercy. 

"Kieran is free to make his own choices." I gently pushed myself backward and forwards. "And perhaps him giving up the game now is better for everyone. Anya is free to have him if she wants him and Red need not pursue me with such urgency. His competition is all but gone." It was a painful reality but a reality nonetheless. Nate clenched the chains of his swing. 

"She's just not the type I would expect Indigo to go for," Nate murmured. A distasteful smile tugged at the corner of my lip. 

"You and everyone else who thought they knew him." Nate shook his head, thumbs grazing the metal of the chains. 

"It's almost as if I know her." I considered this, the possibility of Nate knowing her not so improbable. 

"She's the spitting image of Kieran's fiancée." Nate paused, his brow knitting together as he processed this. 

"Lucia," Nate said, eyes frantically searching the bark for more. 

"Yes, do you remember her?" Nate swallowed, bringing his thumbnail to his mouth. He seemed to consider something, eyeing me and then thinking better of it. 

"Not really." Nate appeared unsure of himself, questioning his own answer. 

"It explains his feelings for her, why wouldn't he be compelled to feel lust or even fall in love with the shadow of the one person he treasured most in his days as a human? Can I really be surprised this is how things have played out, regardless of whether or not she has the personality of a wet fish?" I argued.

"There's no logic to it though!" he growled, digging his heels hard into the ground. "Lust nor even falling in love is not enough reason for Kieran, in a matter of days, to change his whole perspective on everything. I hate not understanding this – usually I can figure these things out but there is no logic!" Nate's hands once more moved to the chains of the swing, clenching them with dangerous intent.