Finding My Self

To Fight Or Not To Fight

I was completely and utterly exhausted. The constant walking from store to store had taken a toll on my broken body.

The back of my thighs burned like mad, not to mention the light sting in my shoulders from having to change so many outfits.

Sitting on a fluffy chair in the living room my body felt like a puddle of sweat and goo waiting for the perfect moment to ooze across the nicely polished floor like a Loony Tunes character.

The sweet scent of something good escaped beyond the kitchen door and my stomach rumbled in reply to the silent call of the mouth-watering food.

Adelina chuckled lightly beside me. Too exhausted to glance her way I watched longingly at the gateway that stood prominently between my deprived stomach and what is desired most.

It guarded the food, imprisoned between its four walls.

The hunger was unreal. Not necessarily unexpected since I hadn't anything to eat for the day, but the burn of starvation wasn't foreign either.

My eyes were burning a bit but I hadn't realized I was on the brim of slumber until my head fell back and became lost in the soft comfort of the squishy sofa.

I'm pretty sure there was drool running down the sides of my face. It felt like I had just closed my eyes when a gentle jolt startled me awake.

Blinking rapidly trying to see the person in front of me, my vision came into focus. Aron's blue eyes watched me skeptically probably waiting to see my reaction.

He held his hand out gesturing for me to take it. His hands we so large I could only imagine what a blow from one of them might feel like.

"Dinner is ready mio amore," he said his voice gently as he looked down at me practically pleading with me to take his offered hand.

The smell of it made my stomach growl.

Placing my hand in his they were immediately lost in the warm embrace of his fingers and palm. Pulling myself up I stumbled a bit since my body had become accustomed to its sitting position.

He pulled me against his solid chest keeping me stable.

My heart was beating erratically and my palms were sweaty. My only logical explanation for my reaction was fear but deep down something was telling me it wasn't anything close to that.

I was lost in his eyes as I always found myself.

Lost in the deep ocean of blue and it angered me. It angered me the way he looked at me as though he saw me; a person, a woman, and not just something to be toyed with.

My reaction towards him was beginning to make me feel a way I didn't want to feel or even think about.

I was unwilling to fall prey to his charms. His thick dark brows, mysterious demeanor, and chiseled features play greatly in his favor.

I refused to become lost in him. I was not going to allow myself to believe that something was budding between us; that there was more to the way he looked at me, more in his deep stare and tender touch, more to his kindness.

I'd fight hard and long to not lose myself to him.

A ruckus came from somewhere behind us followed by the clashing of glass.

It was a sound I was all too familiar with, and by habit, I flinched, crouching in fear of the suddenness of the sharp sound.

Aden tugged me closer. He caged me between his arms and I froze.

Before coming here I don't remember how many years it had someone hold me like this- even now ot felt so different.

My nostrils were flooded with his strong scent and with every breath it washed over me, calming me somehow.

I could feel his gaze on me, examining my face, and even felt the beating of his heart beneath the pads of my fingers.

At that moment, locked in his strong embrace I was beginning to realize that something weird existed between the pair of us and I wasn't sure how I felt about it.

His stare, heated as it was, tempted as it made me feel to look up into his beautiful orbs I kept my eyes cast downwards.

I needed to be strong, to keep fighting. I couldn't give myself to another person. Not in this state and probably not in this lifetime.

I'd been through too much, broken too many bones to put my self through the potential heartache again.

But deep down something was nagging me. A little voice that told me this was different, that he wasn't like Chase; he'd be there for me until I couldn't for myself.

Could I trust it?

Could I allow myself to believe it even for a split second, knowing nothing about this man?

Could I let myself believe that he was this kind-hearted- That he just wanted to help, with no hidden agenda or penalties?

Could I put my faith, hopes, and heart into this; a heart so broken, frozen cold, and barely beating beneath tattered ribs.

Could I trust him to take the wheel if I lost control, something I already had so little of?

I felt a soft touch against my forehead that startled me, maybe it was the suddenness or the warmth but it could have also been the tingles I felt where his hands touched.

I found myself looking up into his captivating eyes. They bore into mine searching deep for something.

A tear escaped, I had no idea why.

Sure I was always emotional but why now.

I brought my hand up to wipe it away but a larger warm hand captured mine around its wrist while another wiped gently against my cheek, clearing any evidence of the stray tear.

He pulled me tighter against his chest, my face buried in his shirt while his hands rubbed my back; not sexually but just comforting.

The damn broke.

He was a pillar that kept me grounded while I fell apart in his arms.

The tears eventually stopped and I remained silent, relishing in the relief I felt now that I had poured my soul empty.

There was one thing on my mind now.

To fight or not to fight.