Downfall

prologue

All I did was to love him unconditionally but I didn't know that all the love that I poured upon him will just go to waste.
akala ko kaya ko pang magpatuloy pero siya na rin mismo ang gumawa ng paraan para tapusin ang kung ano mang ugnayan ang meron sa amin.
I became desprate and stupid for him, I chose to be blind... to be deaf... to be mute to keep him by my side but I can't handle the pain anymore...
we were happy before but right now we're hurting each other.
my heart was shuttered into small pieces and I'm having a hard time picking it up and bringing it back together. It was never easy...

I already made my decision I'm finally letting him go and I'm freeing my heart from the pain he'd caused me.
I asked him na makipagkita sa akin at kahit na hindi ko pa kaya matapos ng mga nalaman ko ay pinilit ko pa rin.
we've been into a toxic relationship but I never regreted loving him.
seeing him smiling right now makes my heart beat in pain because I know that it's not the same smile anymore and I will never see him smile for me again... that smile is not for me and it belongs to someone else.

"miss-" I immediately cut him off and that made him stop he gave me a confused look. how can he act like this?
Is he trying to fool me again? Bakit di na lang siya maging honest for once?
pain starts to envade my heart again
not now please give me enough strength to gain my dignity back.
I mentally prayed.

"just cut it out Quenery ... I know that you've been cheating on me. Please... please don't deny it. I saw it with my own two eyes and stop fooling  me! I had enough." thank god my voice didn't crack.
i deserve a round of applause right now for being brave enough to tell him and for not shedding a single tear for him.

"I'm sorry Camilla..please stay." he said almost like a whisper. He didn't even bother to look at me. That time I know that he lied again.
He wants me to stay but I never felt the sincerity.

"Sorry is not enough to make a person stay Quen..." I managed to say as my voice cracked. Umiinit na yung gilid ng mata ko pero pinigilan ko ang luha ko na bumagsak.
I can't cry in front of him...
Yung luha ko na lang yung natitira sa akin ngayon at hindi ko yun ibibigay sa kanya.
I gave him everything to make him stay...
to love me but he chose to break my heart and I am left with nothing.

"It's not enough to make me stay." I added. This time he looked at me. Hindi na ito tulad ng dati. It was different... before when I looked into his eyes I can see how he adores and love me pero ngayon awa na lang ang nakikita ko.

"I didn't mean to hurt you Camilla." He said looking straight into my eyes.

"But you did." I smiled bitterly at him.

"Did you really love me?" I asked. Gusto ko lang malaman mula sa kanya... I want to hear him say that he loved me baka kasi ako lang yung nag assume na minahal niya ako.

"I did Camilla but it's not strong enough... I tried to resist her but I can't, the next thing I know I fell hard for her."

Parang nagsisi tuloy ako na tinanong ko pa yon sa kanya. He did love me but he loves her more enough to leave me.

"Why did you cheat? Why didn't you tell me? Alam mo naman na maintindihan kita. Hindi naman kita pwedeng pilitin. Quen naman! Bakit mo pa pinatagal?!" Di ko na napigilan at tumaas na ang boses ko, God knows how Much I want to cry right now but I can't.

"I don't want to hurt you!" He said raising his voice

"Bullshit Quen! You didn't want to hurt me? Well congratulations you just did!" Hope he can sense my sarcasm.
Ayw niya akong masaktan? Edi sana man lang nagtago siya ng maayos at di yung nakikipaglandian pa siya sa lugar kung nasan ako laging naroon.

"Let's end this Quen. Nagkakasakitan na tayo and we don't deserve each other."

"Alam kong masaya ka sa kanya, I've seen how you looked at her... it's full of love and you're happy and I haven't seen you that happy before nung tayo pa."
I said as I stood up at napatingin naman ito sa akin.

"I'm happy for you and keep her. Wag mo siyang sasaktan and I just want to tell you that I didn't regret loving you and I've learned a lot of things from you. Thank you for everything and I'll be okay maybe not now but someday..."

"So! Goodbye Mr. Quennery Xavier Roales."
I finally said to him and smiled painfully.
Bigla naman siyang tumayo para hawakan ang kamay ko pero ako na ang umiwas.
Kilala ko ang sarili ko at alam ko na kapag hinawakan niya ang kamay ko baka magbago ang isip ko at mag makaawa pa sa kanya na balikan ako.
I can't be selfish anymore and I know That I can't have him because his heart belongs to someone else and that's not me.
Tinalukaran ko na siya at umalis na ako ng tuluyan.
Hindi na rin ako nag aksaya ng oras para punasan ang luha ko na patuloy lang sa pag bagsak.
I just want to cry my heart out at wala na rin skong pakialam sa mga taong nakakasalubong ko.
I'm just walking at kinakaawaan ang sarili ko,
Love comes and go but the painful part is when you know that the person you love is no longer yours.

Letting him go was the best decision I've made not just for my self but also for him.

Maybe he's my greatest downfall or maybe not.

"Crying does not suit you."
I heard a familiar voice and that made me stop.
Bakit ba sa tuwing minamalas ako eh nagkakasalubong kami or nagkikita.
Yung totoo may sa pusa ba ang abo na ito?
Agad ko namang pinunasan ang luha ko at inayos ang sarili ko at matapang siyang hinarap.
And I saw the Great Pheonix Ashton Mondragon standing confidently whith his famous smile.

I just glared at him for awhile and that made me shiver.
The intensity of his stares makes my knees weak.
But I managed to control myself and faced him with my head held high.

"Who says I'm crying?" Maang na tugon ko pero di man lang ito natinag at tinitigan lang nito ang mga mata ko, nakaramdam naman ako ng kaba at hindi ito maganda dahil nagsisimula nanaman akong maligaw sa mga titig niya. Staring at his eyes is the last thing na gagawin ko dahil alam ko sa sarili ko na walang magandang bagay na maidudulot yun at hindi niya dapat malaman na wala na kami ni Quen.

"Your eyes is like an ocean and I can't save myself from drowning.. camilla."

He said almost like a whisper still staring at my eyes and then he walked away leaving me breathless.

Damn! If he'll continue doing that I know where I'm gonna end up..
If I let myself get lost in his stares that man will be my downfall and if that happens I'm sure that I won't not be able to rebuild myself again..