Addicted [BoyxBoy]

Jackhammer

Her words punched a hole in my heart, making me feel raw with guilt and pain. I was starting to hate everything, hate myself especially. It was my fault; I wasn't thinking. This was the price I paid for letting my feelings rule for even a minute.

"Megan, I'm not talking to him either, I'm trying to fix all of this before I lose both of you," I pleaded, tears escaping my eyes now. I was trying to say the right things, but nothing I said seemed good enough. It all left me feeling miserable and deflated and just plain upset.

"No, we're done here. I refuse to try and be friends with someone who won't take time to consider my feelings. So go run to Bobby, I'm sure he's dying to hold you right now."

I was breaking down right in front of her, and her face was cold, devoid of any emotion. I was crying, begging for a chance, and she refused. I was beginning to lose all hope for the situation.

Before she closed the door in my face I exclaimed, "I do care, I told him I didn't want to come between you guys!"

She didn't even seem to care about what I said, she just continued, "You know, I might have expected this from Bobby. But you? Goes to show there's really no one you can trust."

With that, she slammed the door with concussive force.

Leaving me shattered.

*****

I cried inside my hands, shaking from the fit of agony I was going through. I couldn't take this at all.

Was I really cold-hearted?

Selfish?

Unconcerned with others?

I wanted someone to say, No Caleb, you're extremely caring and attentive and a total sweetheart.

But no one was around to tell me that.

Morgan had went to Fresno for her weeklong family reunion.

Megan just shut me out.

And Bobby and I were too complicated to speak to each other.

How alone could I be?

I couldn't think. Couldn't process anything. I wanted to fix everything, but my crushing defeat ultimately left me crushed.

Part of me wanted to talk to Bobby, expressed my frustration.

The other part wanted nothing to do with him.

It was him.

He drove me crazy, made me do things I'd never normally do.

Made me completely and utterly lovestruck.

He was a drug.

I was addicted.

And once I had finally got a taste of the good stuff, it came at a cost.

And this was my withdrawal.

I shook my head back an forth, trying to shake all of my thoughts away. My feelings.

Bobby had admitted to having feelings for me, and it was amazing what followed.

So why wasn't I in his arms like Megan had said?