Hard Times

Hard Times 8

Jacob watched Connie as she stood nervously in the doorway. "Connie?"
Pulling back the bed covers, Jacob reached for her hand which she took tentatively, wincing as she climbed in.
"Just take your time..." Jacob tried to reassure her. "...I'll be listening when your ready."
She cuddled into him as silent tears rolled down her cheeks. "I really don't know where to start..." Sighed Connie. "...I don't even know how I feel...I..." she looked to Jacob who gazed at her with compassion, with patience.
"Is it something to do with why you disappeared earlier...there was no paperwork was there?" asked Jacob trying to help.
"No...I went to find Charlie." answered Connie wiping her face.
"Because you where in pain?" guessed Jacob.
"Yes..." Admitted Connie quietly. "...I'd been feeling some twinge's last night...they got worse through the morning... " she paused, considering her next words. "...Jacob...I didn't know..." the tears returned. "...I promise...I didn't know."
"Didn't know what?" wondered Jacob. "What ever it is Connie I'm here for you."
"I was...pregnant and I didn't know-" "Was?" Checked Jacob.
"Was." nodded Connie.
"Oh Connie..." sighed Jacob holding onto her as his own emotions bubbled up, his heart heavy. "...we'll be okay, we'll get through this...I wish you'd have told me sooner...You must be in so much pain."
"It's eased of a little...I'm just feeling so confused by it all...we've never talked about children...I mean why would we, this is still so new and let's be honest I'm not exactly at a prime age for carrying a child...I just...I don't know...if it hadn't have been for the crash we'd be having a very different conversation right now-" "Wouldn't you have wanted it?" Jacob asked solemnly.
"I honestly don't know how I would have taken the news..." she told him. "But none of that matters now because that choice was taken away from us."
"It was a tragic accident Con, nobody could have prevented it." Jacob tried to comfort her.
"Are you okay?" Asked Connie looking up at him sadly.
"I guess I feel a bit like you, confused...numb...how do you grieve for something you never knew you had."
"If this was different...if there was..." she could bring herself to say the word baby, it would make it real. "...I could imagine you being happy....your thinking about...it, aren't you?"
"Ye..." Jacobs voice broke. "...haven't you?"
"I've tried not to-" "Why?"
"What? Why put myself through it...it's not happening..." Connie's face crumbled. "...it's not...it's gone."
"It was a baby Con...we've lost a baby...it's no good denying it or brushing it under the carpet... We need to grieve not pretend it meant nothing...I know you believe it's for the best but...I think you would have been happy to...eventually... After trying to ignore that it was happening...you'd start to panic and get angry... Try pushing me away...list a dozen reasons way we shouldn't keep it...then the news would sink in and I'd tell you only a hand full of reasons why we should go through with it...but they'd make you see the gift we'd been given."
They cuddled together, Connie cried into his chest while Jacob every now and again would sniffle as be wiped away his out tears.
Some time later Jacob noticed Connie had calmed, her breathing had evened out. "How you feeling?" He asked quietly just in case she fallen to sleep.
"Better..." She mumbled. "...I've been thinking."
"Oh?"
"You where right...it was no good pretending losing our baby was something less than what it was...weather we knew about it or not...it was still ours...I find it scary how well you know me..." Connie paused for a minute before she continued. "...I was also thinking...that...if we planned to have a baby then it would be our decision...there'd be nothing to panic over would there...I mean we could go straight to happy instead of the arguing in between-" "Connie...what are you saying?" Jacob was stunned.
"I'm not saying we should try straight away...obviously I'm not in any fit state...and your right about something else to...we do need to grieve...but maybe...if it's something that you want...then we could try for a baby." Connie smiled at him as she watched the information sink in, Jacob's face brightened instantly.
"Definitely...Yes...wow." He pulled Connie to him hugging her happily.
"Aaa...Jacob...my shoulder-" "sorry." He said guilt washing over him, instead he placed a gently kiss on her lips, sweet and tender.
"Hard times will only make us stronger sweet cheeks...I love you."
"I love you to muscles."

The End..