It's Complicated

The Farewell

A year ago today since Rhian's passing.
A lot of things happened.
I got miserable in amount of time but I know I have to be strong, because Rhian woudn't want me to be like that.

My love, the love of my life passed away..

My tears are falling while walking to her tomb,
With her Dad at my side and Katrina.
I know that they're missing her too.

The Rhian who's bubbly,
the Rhian's who's always happy,
the Rhian who's always there for you.
The Rhian who's loving.

"Hey love, we're here." I whispered
"I missed you. I'm missing you so much!" I clenched my heart.
"I always hope that you'd popped up somewhere. Saying, this is all a prank."
Katrina patted my shoulder and smiled at me.

"Hanggang ngayon kapatid, hindi pa rin ako makapaniwalang wala ka na.
Iniisip ko nalang palagi na nasa ibang bansa ka lang,
nagpapaka saya,
nagpapaka malaya,
nagpapa miss"
She wiped her tears.

"Daya mo talaga Tol.
Isang taon ng walang nangungulit sakin ng todo.
Sana nandito ka pa.
Alam ko nandito ka pa.
Alam ko di mo kami iiwan.
Kasi pamilya mo kami, at ang pamilya, para sayo, hindi dapat nag iiwanan.
Mahal kita tol, sana kung nasan ka man ngayon, masaya ka.
Kasi kami dito, pinipilit naming maging masaya.
Sana sa susunod na kabanata, andyan ka pa rin.
Nag hihintay samin."

"Rhi, I just wanted you to know that I'm taking care of the things that you love." Dad started.

"I'm taking care of your cars, all of 'em. Your pictures of your travels.
I'm taking care of all the people that you love." I lean my head on Dad's shoulder.

"I just wanted to let you know that, we're all okay.
But at the same time, wishing that you're still here, with us.
I love you anak.
Palagi kang nasa isip ko, nasa isip naming lahat."

We prayed the holy rosary and stay for a few minutes before leaving,

"Love, I know that I wouldn't find any one else that just like you, you're one of a kind and you'll always be my greatest love.
I miss you everyday, every hour, every minute and every second.
I always think of you, sa lahat ng bagay na ginagawa ko, palagi kang nasa isip ko. Kahit naka pikit ako o kahit natutulog ako, ikaw pa rin.

Sobrang sakit ng pag iwan mo sakin, pero alam ko na mula nung araw na yun, alam kong hindi ka na makakaramdam ng kahit anong hirap, lungkot sa buhay mo.

I know that, you're happy til the last moment of your life. I'm sorry you didn't get to see me in a wedding dress." I sobbed.

"I'm sorry that you have to experience all of that.
I always looked back at the door of the church, thinking that you'll be entering there. Its sad.
I just feel sorry for you but I know, I know that you wanted me to be happy.
I know that you wanted me to move on, Please lablab, help me.
Help me move on.
Because if I only do it myself, I know I couldn't do it, I know I wouldn't."
I look at the sky and whispered,

"I love you, I'll always love you. Til my dying day, Forever, to our next life time."

"Glai come on" Katrina called,

"Bye lablab, I'll visit you again soon. I love you, and I miss you."

And then suddenly,

I heard her say,

"I love you too. And I saw you in your wedding dress. You're the most beautiful of all Lab," Rhian or just the wind said.

I embrace myself and let the last tear fell.

..

"Bye Kat." I heard Dad say

"Katrina, you're not accompanying me to this dinner?" I asked