Hi
My name is Zac
I'm 19 years old and I still live at home with my mum.
I struggle with depression.
Everyday just seems to fly by as if it were nothing important, because it isn't.
Numb to the pain of life you tend to become oblivious and emotionless to the world around you.
I try and try so hard to put on a brave face for the ones that care about me when they're around, but sometimes it becomes too much.
Im moving out of home tomorrow, mum thinks I'm too old to be living at home.
I don't know how im going to cope but I don't care.
------the next day------
My bags have been packed, and I'm on my way to the airport to catch my one way flight to new York.
I've spent my whole childhood dreaming of living in the big smoke, and I thought I would be jumping out of my skin with excitement, but I'm not.
I say good bye to my mother as she sits there sobbing.
I board the plane and get ready the endure an adrenaline pumping rollercoaster ride to new York (sarcasm metre is of the charts)
I finally touch down in the city of new York.
Tired, I grab my backs and get into a cab where I ask to be taken to my new apartment in town square.
I try to maintain small talk out of boredom between me and the taxi driver but it doesn't work.
We arrive at my destination.
I tack my bags from the trunk of the vehicle and proceed to make my way to my quaint new little apartment.
Finally. I made it to my room door.
I fumble around in my pocket to find my keys amongst other things, such as candy wrappers, and coins, when out of no where an extremely attractive man walks by passing me as we exchange awkward looks which only makes me fumble around in my pocket quicker.
The man turns around making his way towards me, which again makes me fumble for my keys even faster but I was too slow. He caught up to me.
"Hey, how are you? My name is Harper, yours is?" Said harder in a chirpy tone.
Struggling to find words as my eyes go on a field trip as they check out this beautiful man, 6'5ft atleast, muscular, robust.
Out of no where I get snapped back into reality by him with a quick clearing of his throat.
I reply as quick as possible by saying "o-hh uh, hi, my name is Zac, n-nice to m-meet you"
A faint manly chuckle escapes Harper's mouth as he proceeds to right his number down on a piece of paper.
Once done he hands it to me and continues on with his day.
Blinded by that encounter I realise that the key was in my other hand the whole time.
I barge through the door dropping my things to hide in the safest corner of my apartment even he left about 10 mins ago.
------a few days past------
A few days had rolled by and me and Harper had hit things of really nicely, we had only been texting but we had planned to meet up sometime soon.
I had to let him get back to as I also had more unpacking to do.
I got to one box that had the word 'fragile' written on it in my mum's hand writing.
I knew this was her doing because I don't remember packing this box plus it had her hand writing on it.
So, nevertheless I proceed to open it. Inside I discovered a plethora of family portraits and school photos nicely decorated by my mum.
At the bottom I found a letter that read 'to Zac, love mum xoxo' on it.
I opened up the letter and started reading it, the letter read
"To my dearest Zac
I really hope you are loving your new apartment in new York, the view must be great! By the time you read this you will hopefully be completely settled in and ready to embark on the knew journey of your life.
Never forget me please, I will always be here for you if you ever need to talk.
I love you so much xoxo"
So wrapped up in this new world I had completely forgotten about home.
Home...
At this point I felt so lost and home sick all I wanted to do was see my mum's face again and tell her how much I loved her and miss her, because at the point of my departure, we had a little dispute in the car. Nothing serious, just a little bicker if I turned my bed room light of or not.
I started to think and write down plans to go back and visit my mum and call often to catch up and tell her how sorry I am for being a douche and tell her how much I love her.
I decided to do something else to take my mind of the sad feelings.
I decided to go and do a little shopping to decorate my new apartment as it looked a bit sparse.
I picked out a few cute ornaments for here and there, and I was feeling good in my self.
I headed back home.
I got through the door and before I could put my things down my phone started buzzing.
I dropped my things and grabbed it out of my pocket to reveal the number was unknown, I just thought they were prank callers and immediately hung up.
They proceeded to call several times before I gave in and answered.
The phone call went as such.
"May I please speak to zachary?" Said the telephone operator
I replied with "that's him"
The telephone operator replies hesitantly "I am so very sorry, but your mother passed away last night from a heart attack."
Before she could finish her sentence I felt and onslaught of water fall like tears burst from my tear ducts and pout there way down my face as I crumple to the floor like a little piece of paper being scrunched into a ball.
I sat there for a good 3 hours just crying non stop whilst for half of it hearing the telephone operator calling my name faintly through my phone which was about 2 feet away from me on the floor, before she to grave up hope like I did the split second those words left her lips.
I tried to get up but immediately collapsed. Feeling weak and exhausted I dragged my lifeless body full or dread towards the shower where I don't even bother taking of my clothes I just sit there in silence sobbing with ice cold water trickling down my back to try and take me mind of the pain.
I could feel myself slowly falling into the deepest pit of depression that I had ever been in before. And I knew that if I hit rock bottom I might not come back.
