Born Again

One

Thank you to everyone that asked, recommended, and suggested for me to pursue a sequel to my story, Pained!
I hope you enjoy! And, pleaseeee leave your thoughts!

[ please keep in mind that just like Pained, this story will cover tough and overbearing topics. ]
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"The most painful goodbyes, are the ones never said and never explained."

➰

Death. It just couldn't seem to let me be free. Each time I tried to let go of it, it would grab ahold of me again, and hold on tighter than it had done before.

"I just don't understand how she got there, in our apartment." My mother said, pacing back and forth with her head held low and body covered in black clothing.

I closed my eyes, allowing tears to fall from them and reach my chin. I had no words to voice. Especially not at this moment.

"Either somebody den strangled her, or she's took her own breath." Mama went on, making some sense.

It had been two whole weeks since that soulless body rested upon our kitchen floor. And, I figured it must've been two whole weeks since Mama last filled herself with that vicious drug she was oh so fond of.

Due to our apartment being a crime scene, we were offered a nicely furnished room at a nearby hotel closest to our crime infected space. Neither of us could tell how or why the body even entered our home and ended up deceased, but we did acknowledge the fact that we never wanted to go back there.

This was the second time someone had been killed within our building. KJ didn't deserve to take to his last breath under water. And, the body that sat upon our kitchen floor sure as hell didn't deserve to take it's last breath in our run down home.

Mama stopped pacing and stood before me as I sat upon the provided bed, drowning in inaudible cries. How many times did hurt had to abuse me before realizing my heart had been broken enough? How many times would death sneak up on me before realizing I had already lost too many people?

"Jayme," Mama whispered my name, attempting to clear my fallen tears. She then rushed to the given closet, where most of our clothes were, and incessantly spoke. "Baby, it's gone be okay. I'm hurt just like you are."

She says that, but she didn't really understand. When I found that deadly soul, I kissed that body, I prayed over that body and in my mind I believed Mama's body was that body. She didn't understand how ready I had been to get over her, to let go and move on. She did not feel that part of me that hoped it was her lying under under that pillow case, breathless. Because then, I wouldn't have to live with the image of watching my very own mother snort and inject drugs. I wouldn't have to watch that motherly love that I deserved be given to such a destructive material. She just didn't get it.

I sighed as no words gathered in my throat. There I was, seated upon our bed dripping in silence and surrounded by grief. Supposedly, I was to prepare for the funeral happening in only thirty minutes, but couldn't even do that. My mind was too far gone, too far away for me to do anything.

After digging into the closet, my mother stepped to me again, holding a solid black, turtleneck dress just above my head. "Here." She then sat the piece of clothing next to me. "P-put th-this on."

I rose my head from my chest and eyed Mama as I toned out every other word she released from her tongue. I noticed the way she sniffed around, but searched for no particular scent. I studied how she spoke, but stuttered horribly.

'You have got to be kiddin me'. Those words played over and over in my head. I forced my weakened body and trembling legs to rise from the bed my rear end rested upon. As I started walking towards the direction of the closet, my eyes stayed fixed on Mama's actions.

I pulled the handle attached to the closet's door and leveled myself with the clothing that had been placed onto the floor in a black, plastic bag. I then removed the pieces of clothing one by one until I found what I had been searching for.

Slowly, my heart fell through my chest while contact had been made with the white material hiding in miniature size, clear bags.

"Jayme," Mama called out to me. "We gotta go. Come put on the dress, now!"

My eyes closed shut as tiresome roamed my soul. Nobody understood how tired I was of coming face to face with drug after drug, disappointment after disappointment. I balled up my fists as everything in me insisted I hold my composure. I wanted to run to Mama and to erupt in every explosion. But I couldn't, I just couldn't. Especially not on this day--the day of which I was to bury a beloved soul.

"Dear God," I finally spoke, voicing the beginning of a whispering prayer. "Please, please be with me after finding what I've just found in that closet."

-

The lyrics to Walk Around Heaven fell from the mouths of the choir and right into the ears of those seated before the silver painted casket--the casket that held a deceased Courtney.
Alone, I entered through the church nervous than any could imagine. Mama didn't come in with me, for reasons I was not sure of. But, her absence didn't matter. I walked in with nothing but memories of Courtney eating at my mind. And, trust me, they were enough to keep me company.

I would never forget my first time meeting her, and asking for a hand in the work that she had done. I'd never forget the way she acted, the way she spoke. And last but not least, I'd never forget those words of wisdom she fed me. She'd always voice words I hadn't heard anywhere else. Courtney was definitely one of kind, regardless of the negative words Mama spoke of her.

"Jayme!" A familiar voice whispered my name. I searched around for the human form that owned that voice, and it turned out to be Taj. Taj was the last person I had spoken with before entering my apartment and finding Courtney. "Come sit by me." He continued to whisper, pointing to the empty spot next to him.

Indicating my decision to sit where he had offered, I shook my head up and down and apologized to many people for stepping before them, trying to be seated.
A strange feeling swam throughout my body as my eyes created contact with Courtney's lengthy casket. It just doesn't feel right being seated in this church, celebrating the life of her. It hadn't hit me yet that she was really gone.

"Its crazy what happened to her, y'know?" Taj asked, shaking his head in disbelief.

I breathed heavily. "What's even more crazy is that it happened in me and Mama's apartment."

"I don't know if you heard, Lil Janis, but since y'all been gone everybody been talkin' bout that." He eyed me with seriousness holding his pupils.

"What are they saying?" I asked, speaking in whispers and trying not to talk over the choir and their ongoing melodies.

"Well, everybody's thinking there can only be two people that could've killed Courtney. The main person they're pointing fingers at is Corey." My eyes grew widely as listened to those words and that name.

Now, I knew Courtney and Corey had a big blow out that day in the park when she outed him for molesting her. But, I didn't think it was that horrible of an argument to the point where Corey would commit such egregious act, killing his own sister.

"I mean, look around." Taj went on, pointing throughout the service. "He's not even here at the funeral."

I did as he had ordered, and he was right. Corey was nowhere in sight. My heart began to race. "Okay, so who is the other person they're blaming?"

For reasons I couldn't figure, Taj was hesitant to respond at first. It was almost as if he needed a few seconds to gather his words. He looked at me, then said, "Your mother."

| prayers for everyone suffering from a loss rn ❤️🙏🏽 |