See It Through My Eyes

Autobiography

note: this was really hard for me to come out and write about since i never really go into detail about my life or feelings so please don't judge or anything. thanks. 

Autobiography. That's what this is, and I guess I never took the time to actually look into that because well I just wanted to update asap. And now I feel pretty dumb for not using my head sooner. I guess you can say i'm ignorant. Though this isn't the main reason for deciding to update in what? a year? I realized that I not only did I fall behind in updating, but I also left out many important stuff. And the reason kind of towards this was well cause I didn't want to be seen as someone who needs or wants attention. But sometimes a little bit of attention is what some people need to feel better or excepted. And I'm not sure if i'm doing this so late to feel better or whatever, I just know that I kind of need to talk about it, maybe to feel some kind of closure I don't know. I just know or more like I feel some kind of need to explain myself and what has happened throughout the months I've been gone. It all kind of started sometime last year. I can never really forget the way I felt. I just know more was being added  to this pile of bricks on my head, chest, and shoulders;  then there was this big piece added and it just sent me spiraling down into this I don't know pit of darkness and fear. I hid it well, or at least that's what I thought. I know the smallest things would set me off and I would want or even start to cry. Sometimes it would get bad other times I would try not to let it get to me. But... there were some small moments that would get really bad that I would or I would want  to... hurt myself? ya. Most people wouldn't notice because I'm normally bubbly, happy and somehow always smiling. I love smiling, and I hate this feeling that I get. It's so hard to explain I just know I've been feeling this way for over two years now. and last year it just so happened to get worse. I'm not saying life was all living hell, cause it wasn't. But for the most part it was hard for me. So basically what i'm going to try and do is explain how this feeling has gotten worse and how I tried getting help and  so on. I just thought it was time to give a better explanation of what has happened I don't know. Hopefully this better explains my situation and ya. Hopefully i'll be able to update more. for now, thanks for the views and i'll get back to you guys soon.