The Girl I Never Knew

October 5th

This one's a tad longer..be proud of me! :D

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October 5th, 2013

Dear You,

It's been a full week since I last wrote to you. I mean, I'm not writing these letters for you, I'm writing them for me. They're just addressed to you. But they're for my own purpose. Which is to get over you.

I've never really had an actual crush on someone before. Sure, I've passed by attractive people and thought, 'Hey, you're attractive' but I've never actually fallen for a girl before. Is that weird? Most of my friends have had multiple girlfriends and boyfriends, but me? None. And it's not completely because I am a loser and can't get a girl to like me, it's just that I've never had mutual feelings for the ones that do.

But with you, I don't know. Everything's different. With other people, I look at them and they're just another person on the street. They blend in with all the others, and there's nothing that really stands out. But then I look at you and there's this light in your eyes and I realize your eyes are breathtaking, and your smile lights up the entire world. Your hair neatly frames your face, and the way you scrunch up your nose when you're really concentrated gets me every time.

How is it possible that you can like someone without having spoken to them before? I'm not in love with you, so to speak. I am merely infatuated. And I am completely okay with you never knowing who I am or where I've been. For now.

You looked up from your book and glanced around the room at everyone in it. When your eyes started making their way towards mine I quickly looked down. Only, there was nothing on the table. I was staring at you, and everyone could tell. I stood up to act like I was getting up to go somewhere, but then I stopped, frozen in my tracks. If something as simple as your beauty can do that to someone, then I really don't want to know what else you can do.

We didn't make eye contact. Thank god at that, because I really don't know what I would've done if we had. Faint, probably. I mean, if your face can make me come to a standstill, then your eyes on mine could probably put me into a coma. And I'm not even joking. Does saying all these things make me a wimp? A coward for not being able to just say hello? Yes, my brother would say.

I want to be able to talk to you. To hug you, and kiss you, and wake up in the morning next to you. And stare at you in the middle of the night to keep me sane. But I know that someone will get that chance, which won't be me. And I am terribly jealous of him.

Someone came over slapped the desk with a sticky note. I look up and see a guy my age towering over me. He nods his head towards the table as if to say "Read it". So I do. It says, 'Just talk to her'.

So people do notice these things. Boy, am I in a deep pit of trouble. He sits across from me and holds out his hand. He said his name was Ian. And I told him I was Nate. He told me about how I should just talk to you and how nothing could go wrong if all I said was hello. I asked what I'd say after that, and he told me to wing it. I'm not good at winging it, I say. But he insists I should.

I also tell him that I'm not good with relationships and stuff, and that you don't like to be bothered with reading anyway. He said to bother you anyway, but I told him I wouldn't do that. I wouldn't be like all the other guys who hit on her in the library.

And then he saw the big yellow envelope on the table. He asked me what it was, and I start to put it in my bag. A history project, I say. But he grabs it out of my hands and opens it. He tells me it's pathetic, and I tell him he doesn't understand. Doesn't understand me, doesn't understand my situation, and certainly doesn't understand the way I feel about you.

He said he'll be watching me and left. Why are some people so insistent that you do certain things? I mean, what do they know? Why do they care what everyone else does? It's our life, not theirs. 

I say 'our' like you must've dealt with this before. With someone trying to get you to do something you don't want to do. To be someone you're not. But what do I know? Everyone must love you the way you are. How could anyone ever want to change such a perfect and innocent creature such as yourself? You're already perfect.

At least from where I'm standing.

With great love,

Nathan