The Girl I Never Knew

September 26th

September 26th, 2013

Dear You,

It was raining outside today, and you decided to wear these bright red rain boots. You know, I used to think rain boots were really tacky until I saw you wearing them. They look really good on you. You've even gotten a few looks from people, but you don't care what people think. At least I hope you don't, because that would make me sad to know that you only wear pink floral dresses and curl your beautiful, deep auburn hair to impress the people around you. I really hope you're doing it for yourself.

I don't know what it is about you. Maybe it's the way you absent-mindedly twirl the strands of your hair when you're reading a book, or the way you smile at the librarian when she asks you how your day has been. Or maybe it's the way you jump up and rush over to the return bin once you're finished reading a book, and then rush back to the bookshelf to find a new one.

Every part of my brain is telling me to go and say hi and introduce myself to you, but I know I can't. My excuse to myself is that you don't like to be bothered while reading your book, and that's why I can't go over and talk to you. I just want to admire your existence from afar without being called creepy or weird. Is that too much to ask?

The sad yet completely and utterly true answer is, yes, it is too much to ask. I'm way out of your league, and not in the "I'm-too-good-for-you-way". I mean in the "I'm-a-loser-and-you're-so-gorgeous-and-it'll-never-happen" way.

And yet I still continue to torture myself with your beauty, because your beauty is the best thing in my life. I wake up every day thinking about your precious green eyes, and I go to sleep thinking about your sweet and innocent laugh. You're just so perfect to me. And I mean I know you're not perfect, no one is, but from what I can see, you're definitely an angel in this terrifying earth.

You just sneezed. Twice. I wanted to call out "bless you" from across the room, but you probably would've thought I was weird, and I probably would've been kicked out of the library for yelling. The librarian did it for me. You looked at her with such a sparkle in your eye and said "Thank you". And man, your voice. I bet it could put all the angels to sleep.

I don't know how long all these letters will be, I'm way too busy marveling at you to write very much, so these will probably remain about a page long. Which is good for the trash can, because it means less papers to throw away. I just need a place to keep them until I declare you my past and toss them into the silver can of lost hope.

I hope you sneeze again soon, when I'm closer, so that it won't be so awkward.

Nathan