a shot of jicheol

- poems and exes

That's my cue to leave, I guess, Jihoon thought as he kept the poems in his bag.

He practically sprinted to the door when he heard an achingly familiar voice call his name.

"Hoonie."

Jihoon took a deep breath to prevent himself from tearing up.

He felt weak, because the way Seungcheol called his pet name, was the same way he used to, back when he loved him.

That name was full of love and admiration.
Full of love that was only for Jihoon.

Was.

He turned to look at the class president, looking like he always does. With his signature neutral face.

"Seungcheol."

Jihoon didn't expect it, but Seungcheol actually smiled.

"You're still like before, serious as fuck." He chuckled, "Lighten up, Hoonie."

There he goes again.

Jihoon smiles a little, "Sorry."

Seungcheol smiles too, a bit sadly, "Don't be. I just remembered that you liked my poems before. And, I miss you. I really do. I- I know, I'm not supposed to feel this way but, I'm still in love with you." He sighs and hands over a piece of paper.

Jihoon stared at it as if it would disappear from his sight.

"Go on, take it, Hoon."

Jihoon blinked and takes the letter with trembling hands.
He quickly looked down and sighed.

"I- I should go."

He walks away, with the letter in one hand and his heart being crushed in the other.

-

He laid on his bed, the letter on his nightstand.

Jihoon wanted to sleep, but the thoughts of Seungcheol admitting his feelings wouldn't let him rest.

"Damn this. What is in this note anyway?" Jihoon groaned and grabbed the letter. He opened it and he saw Seungcheol's handwriting.

There we're splotches of ink, which may have been because of water. Or tears. But he wouldn't cry.

"My love for you,
Won't ever die
These feelings that remain,
it makes me want to cry

But I am a man, I can't be weak
But you, my Jihoon
You're the strength that I seek

For the light in your eyes
Becomes my guide in the dark
But when you left
You left me a mark

It was a mark of your love
A mark of the pain you've caused
And yet I still think that
If I could go back time and hit pause
Maybe, just maybe
You'd still be in love with me."

Jihoon felt a pang in his chest. He didn't like the feeling of guilt.
But he didn't like the feeling of longing more.
He longed for Seungcheol.

His hugs, kisses, everything.

He placed the note close to his chest but he didn't notice another piece of paper fall.

"Dear Jihoon,

I didn't know I'd still be in love with you. I try to get you out of my head, but whenever I see you, everything comes rushing back to me. It hurts when I think that you'd be over me. And you might be. That's what hurts more. Sighs.
I don't know why I wrote that poem. Maybe it's because I know how much you love them. I suck at being a poet, and yet youre the reason why I try to be one. But hey, I just wanna say thank you. Thank you for inspiring me to be better, for being a friend, for being you. I love the way you threaten me, the way you try to be sweet, the way your eyes disappear when you smile, I miss it.
You're perfect, and I'm glad I got to see it up close. Even if it had to end.
I guess this will never change.
I will forever be in love with you, Jihoon. And I don't mind at all.

-Seungcheol"

Jihoon was holding his phone in one hand, looking for the number he never thought he had to call again.

The line started ringing, as Jihoon's heart raced.

"This is the voicemail of the one and only Choi Seungcheol, if you wish to leave a message to the handsome me, do it after the beep!"

Beep

"Hey, Seungcheol. Uh, it's me, Jihoon."

"I just wanted to say that, I- I'm still in love with you too. And maybe, we're worth another chance."