GUILTY (Gabe's Trials)

The flood

Facing my murderer again, I did my best to keep my voice level while I gave him the answers he so desperately wanted. While I allowed the flood of feelings and memories take me with it. 

"Everything, you say..." My voice broke, the tears flowing down my face reaching my lips and slipping into my mouth, their salty taste giving me something else to focus on but the memories coming back to mind. "Well, then I guess you'd like to know about how his people crashed our car. About how they took us to a small, dark, cold cell and locked us up in there. Would you like me to tell you about how they came and took Ginger away from me, leaving me compeletely alone in the dark? Or maybe you should know about how Marco paid me almost daily visits, making sure I knew I wasn't going to survive him. Would you like me to tell you about how they drugged me? About how they brought a doctor to tend to my wounds and forced him to do that in complete darkness as well? Do you need to know about how bad it hurt while he stitched my wound since he couldn't afford taking the risk of giving me any pain killer?" Gabriel's eyes were darker now, but I wasn't even halfway through my story and he was going to have to hear it all now that he'd forced the memories to the surface.

"Do you want me to tell you about how I waited for you to come and get us out of there? About how I lost all hope the moment I understood that was not going to happen? Or maybe, you'd rather hear about how I was forced into that stupid dress and those stupid shoes before being dragged to that disgusting club where I happened to see my friend being locked up in a cage in the middle of the room while some random guys fucked her against her will. Is that what you want to know?" His hands fisted at his sides, his knuckles whitening. 

"Dea..." He was barely containing the anger in his voice, his teeth gritted, his words a low growl. I didn't let him finish,though. I was not done yet.

"Oh, right... I'm also quite sure you need to know about how he took me to this small, glass encased room, in the middle of the club and raped me. Maybe you'd even like to know about how I drove a needle through his eye. About how I was so close to getting away from him, about how I could taste the freedom the moment he captured me again." A deep, enraged roar went past my murderer's lips, his chest expanding to breaking point, the veins on his arms popping out. I looked at him in disbelief, my ears ringing while I considered the posibility of everybody in the villa having heard him. 

"Stop!" Shaking my head, I allowed my blues to stare into his hazels. He'd asked for it, no matter how much he regreted his choice now. So, ignoring the torment etched on his lovely face, I finally said it. I finally told him what I knew to be the truth. 

"You left, Gabriel. I was alone and scared and vulnerable. So I'm sorry that I can't love you right now. I'm sorry that I'm not enjoying Italy as much as you'd like me to. I'm sorry I'm so damn broken." A sob fought its way past the lump in my throat, my hands going to my chest. "I just spent so much time thinking that I was going to die -getting used to the idea that I was going to die- that it comes hard for me to act like a living person again. I was dead inside for so long that I need to constantly remind myself that I actually survived the man I was sure was going to be the death of me." My voice broke, the lump in my throat finally blocking any word from slipping past my lips. 

Standing up all of a sudden, Gabriel took a step in my direction, stilling the moment I slightly stumbled back. His eyes carefully scanned my face, the heart broken look in those hazels making me open my mouth in a silent scream. 

"I need a drink." With that, my murderer hurried to the door, turning the knob and stepping out of the room before I even got the chance to stop him. A feeble I love you! followed him out the door, my broken whisper not reaching his ears. But then, I guess it was better that way. The words sounded hollow and meaningless even to my own ears, the pain I felt simply shrinking them.