Remembering Forever

A Different Kind of Pain

EPOV

Before~

The moment she had uttered his name, my thoughts had turned to sadness, rage, and fear.  Jacob.  The person who had saved my Bella in her time of need, the person who had tried everything in his power to take her from me, the person who at the same time I owed my life to, I wished nothing more than to take his.  I shook this thought out of my mind though, knowing how much that would hurt Bella.  I had felt the pain of her absence before, and I would not willingly welcome that pain again just for the satisfaction of killing that mongrel.  This thought brought another.  Would Bella truly me leave if I ended his existence.  I decided for the umpteenth time that I would not try and find out.  It only then occurred to me that I was still staring at the place where she had been, before she had stalked out of the room, anger and frustration clear in her eyes.  I had vaguely noticed her absence, but had let her go without a word.  Realizing that was one of the worst possible things I could do, I sighed and started to walk out of my room.  From what I saw from the thoughts of my family, Alice had taken her home.  This was not something Bella would do normally, even in her fiercest anger.  I was out the door before anyone even registered I had ever been in the room.  My immediate plan was to go to her house and beg for forgiveness.  I would still not budge on the issue of the dog, but the least I could do was apologize  for my silence. I called her on the porch, hoping to hear she was not terribly mad, and start early with my apologies.  I wasn't surprised when I was sent to voicemail, admitting to myself how hurt she must be.  It was then that Alice had returned home, while simultaneously having a vision.  Or well, having a vision of not having vision.  I knew what this meant, and began to run at top speed to Bella's house.  I had to stop her before she got to La Push, before Jacob could have the chance to hurt her.  Mentally or physically.  Halfway to her house, I somehow saw another vision of Alice's.  I stopped in place, falling to my knees with pain for a split second, before coming to my senses and running faster than I ever had before. 

~

Bella.  Dead.  The image was burned into my mind as La Push grew closer and closer, but not fast enough.  I wouldn't get there in time.  I would be too late.  This thought made me push myself harder, run faster.  I had to get there in time.  I couldn't lose her.  I called her in a desperate attempt to get her to pull over and talk to me.  When she answered, I was too relieved to speak.  She started talking a a few seconds after she answered, saying something about La Push.  I couldn't focus.  She was okay.  I started to pay attention to her words just as she started to say she loved me.  I made it to the spot just as it happened.  She had not pulled over.  She was still driving, until a truck twice the size of hers slammed into her.  I had to witness the metal screeching, the tires scraping the ground, and worst of all, the sight of my one true love crash through the window of her car.  She lay on the gravel, her limbs splayed in positions that would be impossible if not for the seemingly infinite fractures of her bones.  The pool of blood was immense, and growing.  I ran to her, screaming her name.  The call of her blood was the furthest thing in my mind as I reached her.   Her eyes were closed, but I could hear the impossibly fast beats of her heart.  I knew that death was seconds away.  I couldn't stand to see her mangled on the pavement that way, so in my frantic state, I moved her to the grass.  "Bella, I love you, I'm so sorry, Bella please, god...." I snapped out of my idiotic outburst to see her eyes open, staring at me like I was her guardian angel.  Without another moment's hesitation, I leaned down and bit her, forever sealing her fate as a vampire. 

~

Her immediate screaming shattered my heart into the smallest fragments, but also alerted me to the fact that there would be people here soon.  The crash was very loud, and close enough to the outer residences of La Push to cause suspicion.   I had to get Bella out of here.  I picked Bella up and glanced towards the wreckage.  I could see the man in the other truck, his head on the steering wheel.  I knew he would be dead soon too, hearing his heart gallop towards death.  He would die.  As he should.  For doing this to my Bella.  For condemning her to this pain, so close to the day we would be married. Before I knew it, we were back at my house.  I came in, yelling for Carlisle, for someone, anyone to help my poor Bella.  Her screaming had been constant as I had run from the scene of the accident,  piercing my ears and my heart with each change in pitch.  I heard Carlisle's thoughts first, as I was looking for them.  "Take her to my office.  NOW EDWARD." I must have hesitated, but his yell in my mind snapped my out of my indecision.  I stood in Carlisle's office, Bella still in my arms.  Still screaming.  Carlisle was there in an instant.  He took her from me, and I gave her willingly, hoping that he could do something, anything to help her.  "The amount of venom in her veins is astounding." Carlisle said.   "There was so much blood," I said "I must have mustered more venom because of that.... Is that why she's screaming so much? Even Rosalie wasn't this bad...."  He didn't answer, but I saw in his thoughts that my assumption was correct.  I was devastated.  I had caused this pain.  If I had just talked to her about Jacob with some sort of maturity, she wouldn't have run off.  She wouldn't be laying on my father's desk, screaming bloody murder as her body transformed into a vampire.  The thoughts of my family entered my mind then, their worry and clear in their minds.  I couldn't focus on them though, only the sight of my love writhing in pain filled my mind.  I fell on my knees next to her, knowing that if I could cry, the tears would crowd my vision.  But they didn't.  I could see her, her pain clear in her face and body.  I let the emotions wash over me, as I gently took the hand of the one person I could not live without.