PERMANENT - Leonardo DiCaprio

Chapter 33 - Running

Saturday 7.26am

I felt a gentle shake on my shoulder, bringing me slowly out of my unconscious state back to reality. I was still leaning against the wall, sitting on the top step of the staircase in the middle of some lonely corridor.

I opened my eyes to see what appeared to be a cleaning lady, crouching down next to me, her trolley with all her cleaning equipment just a step behind her.

"Miss? Are you okay?" She asked, voice laced with concern. I didn't answer for a second, taking in my surroundings, remembering last night's events, and recognising the pain in the side of my head where I'd been leaning against the wall all night.

"Yeah I'm okay, thank you." She stood up and gave me a hand to pull myself up with, which I took, not that I wanted to move, but I wanted to get out of her way and let her clean in peace. Bending down, I picked up my heels and started heading back to my room at the slowest pace I could, not wanting to face Leo, not wanting to face the day, even.

I could've had a nice morning, but instead I chose to make it a messy night, and I felt a real sense of regret surge through me.

373. I walked past the door, with real, honest to god dread. I was too tired and too hungry to deal with this situation so early in the morning. 375. One door down and I felt sick as I walked, tripping over my dress for real this time. 377. I came to a stop in front of the door, no knowing whether to knock, or just go right in if it was unlocked. I put my hand on the cold, shiny handle and pushed down, and the door creaked open slowly, clearly left unlocked from when I left about 5 hours ago.

I took a deep breath in, my heart racing. I felt it ringing in my ears, and hoped it wasn't actually audible. Pushing it further so it opened fully, I took my first step in, peering my head in slowly.

Leo was sat on one end of the bed, his feet planted firmly on the ground as he leaned forward on his elbows, his back to the door. The smell of smoke hit my nose as soon as I stepped in the room, and I could see the small clouds of smoke fading out from Leo's lips. Upon hearing me, he turned his head only a fraction, but not fully, so that I was in his peripheral vision. I could see his profile now, and the lit cigarette hanging limply from his lips. He took a drag and took it from his mouth, blowing another billowing puff of smoke out into the air.

"Shouldn't be smoking in here," I said quietly. Wow. What a conversation starter.

He didn't say anything straight away, taking another inhale of smoke into his lungs and blowing out slowly, before he leant over to the ashtray and tapped it out, leaving it in there. "Where'd you go?" He asked, equally as quiet, changing the subject.

"None of your business," I answered, throwing my heels back in the same corner as I had picked them up from before I left. Clearly I was still on the defensive. That and I didn't want to tell him I pathetically slept on the stairs.

"Nice." He replied bluntly, dragging another long cigarette from the pack that lay on his bedside table and placing it in his mouth, lighting it with a lighter he pulled out of his pocket. Not once had we made eye contact yet.

"You should start getting your things together, we leave at 12." I said, looking through my bags to find some more suitable clothes for breakfast.

I heard him exhale a laugh to himself, standing up from the bed to face me, throwing the lighter he was still holding on the bed.

"Really Nel?" He started, eyebrows raised in a conflictive way, his voice once again raised. "We're not gonna talk about this?"

I stayed silent, looking (or pretending to look) into my bag. He let out another sarcastic laugh to himself "Why do you do this to yourself? God it's like you don't want to be happy," he said, a hint of maliciousness in his voice, even though I know he didn't really mean it.

"Myself?" I asked in disbelief. If he was implying all of this was my fault then that wasn't fair. Sure, I brought on the argument, but I couldn't keep going round in circles, and he couldn't carry on playing me like he did.

"Stop running from it Penelope." He said firmly, staring me dead in the eye. I didn't wanna cry again, or carry on the conversation, so with my clothes in hand, I strode over to the bathroom and shut the door loudly, leaning over the sink, with one hand. I was doing exactly that - running away.

After a moment to myself, I got changed and unlocked the bathroom door, stepping out. Silence and emptiness filled the room - Leo had gone. I sighed, going over to the wardrobe and starting to pack away my clothes before I went to have breakfast.

//

After a gruelling 12 hour flight from Tokyo to London, we finally arrived, and I hadn't spoken to Leo once. It was just after 4pm, and me Leo and Jim were waiting in a special, isolated part of the airport for the car Jim had ordered to take us to our hotel where we'd meet the other cast members for our London premiere the next day. The paps had littered the airport when we landed, and I was glad to be away from the flashing lights.

Jim was looking at his watch impatiently, tapping his foot. "They should be here by now, damn it." He spat out, unimpressed. "Not like we can walk to the hotel." Leo was mostly pacing and staring at the ground, his hair pushed back behind his ears like he usually did when he was stressed, but looked up to show a weak smile at Jim before glancing to me quickly.

"You know what Jim, I think I'm gonna rent a car for the day, you know, to go see my family," I spoke up.

"Are you sure? We could take you there later?" Jim questioned.

I nodded, confident with my decision "No that's okay, really. I'll go and" I motioned over to the exit with my thumb "get a car." Jim nodded in understanding, but Leo didn't say anything, looking at me from under his lashes timidly.

"Send me the hotel address, okay? I'll be there later." I said, turning to walk to the car rental with my large suitcase trailing behind me.