GUILTY (Gabe's Trials)

Denial

"Mr Shaffer!" Freezing at the mention of his name, Gabriel's father turned on his heels, giving me an intimidating look.

"Do you love my son, Julia?" It was my turn to freeze to the spot. I had a feeling that the man in front of me could see right through me. "That's what I thought. So just don't give up on him quite yet." Turning around again, the man resumed his walking, his shoulders slightly jerking with laughter as he kept mumbling the words Mr Shaffer.

Dropping my ass back onto the couch, I allowed a deep sigh to take all the air in my lungs with it. And then my eyes landed back onto the glass of bourbon I'd placed on the small coffee table in front of me. Oh, so what if it was ten in the fucking morning? Grabbing the glass, I threw my head back and closed my eyes, embracing the burn the liquid had left while travelling down my throat.

$$$

I was a little tipsy by the time Gabriel returned home, I must give you that. And that was also probably why I fel like the entire room was spinning around with me in the centre of it, in spite of the fact that I was lying in my murderer's bed. 

His scent invaded my nose the moment Gabriel stepped into the bedroom, my murderer turning the lights on and making me squint my eyes. My head hurt like a bitch, the nausea that I was experiencing making me marvel at the fact that I hadn't threw up quite yet. 

"Dea? What's wrong? Roza told me you weren't feeling well." Kneeling next to the bed, the man I could no longer deny loving, placed his hand onto my cheek. "Julia, tell me what's wrong." What was wrong? I much rathered telling him what was right. That would've saved us some time anyway. 

"Why did you kill her?" My voice was nothing but a hoarse whisper, my eyes closing while I muttered the question. I didn't care about the damn tattoo at the moment, and I couldn't give a crap about what his father had told me. All I wanted to know -all I needed to know- was why the hell did he have to start a war with the man who had almost killed me. 

"What are you...?" My mouth opened before I even got the chance to understand that I was about to cut him off. 

"Marco's wife, Gabriel. Why did you kill her?" Standing up, he went to the small music player placed on a shelf, turning on the Ipod already inserted there and turning on the music. Jessie Ware's voice rang throughout the room, making me laugh slitghtly. 

But then my laugh subsided, the moment Gabriel came back, lowering himself onto the bed, one of his hands taking a hold of one of my own. He was silent for so long that when he actually started to speak, I was taken aback. 

"Her name was Lori." His voice was low and pained, his eyes closed tightly. "I first met her when she came looking for my help." My brow furrowed, my mouth opening slightly. She'd went to him? "She had filed for a divorce and she needed my protection." That was when it dawned on me. It was so tipically Gabriel.

"So you helped her." My murderer slowly nodded.

"So I helped her." He was saying it almost regretfully, a bitter smile pulling at the corner of his mouth. "We took her in. She moved in with us at the mansion. Life went on." Gabriel shook his head. "Everything was fine until one day when Marco appearently found out that I was sleeping with Lori." The man's words came back to mind. You know what's the worst part of all? That he'd taken her away from me a long time before killing her. That he'd made sure she fell in love with him first. "A transport of meth was hijacked that night. The driver died before talking to the police, but not before talking to me. It was Marco's doing." My mouth went dry. The poor woman's ending was near, that much I could tell. 

Gabriel closed his eyes tightly, his teeth gritting, his breathing harsh. 

"The fucking bastard costed me three million dollars." My breath hitched. Even through the dizziness caused by the alcohol I could tell that three million dollars were cause enough for Gabriel to kill Lori. After all, she had been the reason behind Marco going to war with Gabriel. "I cared about her, dea. She was one of my proteges. I would've never killed her if I had a choice." My murderer said, as if knowing exactly what I was thinking. "The same night, she told me she loved me. It didn't really come as a surprise. I'd let it get too far." Remembering his no fucking the proteges rule, I couldn't help but consider the fact that he might've been in love with that woman too. He'd let it get too far, by his own admission. And somehow, the thought that my murderer had been in love with another woman, made me feel even worse. Stephanie, I could deal with -I knew that he was over her- but another woman... Not so much.

"You loved her?" I could barely recognise my own voice. Gabriel glanced at me, his eyes wide and sincere. 

"I didn't." Shaking his head at me, my murderer took my hand to his lips. "She was... Lori was a prize, Julia. She'd belonged to my adversary and then she became mine. She had chosen me. I'd won. I was the better man and that was nursing my ego." I could perfectly understand what he was trying to say and that scared me for a moment because it made me realise that I was starting to think like him. "So I freaked out the moment she said it. I didn't want her to love me. For fuck's sake, I hated her for loving me. I hated her for ruining everything." His body stiffened, his hazels searching my face. "I told her the truth. That I didn't feel the same way. That we had to stop sleeping together."

I wanted to tell him that he'd done the right thing. I wanted to kiss him and wipe the bad memories away from his mind. But I'd done neither. There was more to the story that he still had to tell me. 

"I still don't know where she took that knife from. She started screaming that I lied to her, that I was guilty for everything that was happening and that she could no longer go back to Marco. And then she lunged at me. The bitch had tried to stab me. I stabbed her instead." My head hurt, my heart breaking for the man sitting next to me. Either he admited it or not, Gabriel was not ok with having killed Lori. Then a short, unamused laugh escaped him. "I could've called an ambulance. I could've helped her. But I didn't. I just stood there, watching her bleed to death on my carpet." And I'll be damned if I didn't try my hardest to find an excuse for him. It was just impossible. Gabriel was a killer. End of story. "So now you know..." So now I knew.

Standing up all of a sudden, I felt my stomach doing a backflip, biles rising to my throat. It wasn't entirely his fault. Marco had made me believe that he'd started it. He'd made me believe that my murderer was guilty for my close to death experience. And now, with just a few words, my world went back to being upside down. What the fuck was I supposed to believe in?

"I'm sorry, dea! I know he took you because he wanted to get his revenge on me. Trust me that I would've never gotten involved with that woman if I knew this was going to happen. Only if I knew that I would find you... If I knew that you were real -that you existed." His hand was placed onto my shoulder, his fingers flexing and softly digging into my skin. "I need to know..." He hesitated for a moment before speaking again. "What did he do to you?" This time, I litterally choked, my hands pushing me off the bed, my feet rushing to the bathroom. Gabriel was at my side in no time at all. 

"You don't need to know. It's over now." And it was. Marco was dead. His friends were going to stop hunting me down eventually. 

"Dea!" The commanding tone of his voice was what really made me look at him. "I need to know. I wanna help you, but for that, I need to know." Tears finally won the fight, streaming down my face while I crumbled to the ground, in front of the man I loved. 

"I can't. I can't remember, Gabriel. I won't." Crounching in front of me, his hands shot out, picking me up from the ground and carrying me to the bed. Slowly placing me down, he climbed to his side, his hands enveloping me into a tight, comforting embrace, his lips repeatedly kissing the top of my head and I knew I'd won this fight. He was not going to push for answers that night. He was not going to make me remember what had happened to me. For that one night, Gabriel was going to simply hold me in his arms, while I drowned in denial.