Psychotic (A Harry Styles Fanfiction)

Chapter 16

"You didn't," she gasped, her hand covering her mouth in shock.

"I did," I nodded. "It was fucked-up, I know. But he lived, only had a couple burns. I told the fire department why I did what I did, so they sent my dad to jail and me to Wickendale."

I took a minute to examine Rose's shocked expression, her features surprised but her voice quiet. Her eyes were wide, her body seeming to tense. She was scared; scared of me. Usually I wouldn't be able to help but smirk at her innocence, taking a certain pleasure in seeing that I had the upper hand. But not now, not like this.

"Rose, it wasn't like - I mean I've changed, I was just a scared kid and I didn't want him to hurt her anymore and - God damn it, I shouldn't have told you, I'm sorry I-"

"Sh, it's okay," she interrupted, putting a hand up to silence me. Her expression morphed into one of thought rather than fear.

"What are you thinking?" I asked.

It took her a moment to find the words, opening her mouth a few times as if she were about to speak, but then closing it shut again. "I don't blame you," she finally said.

"What?" I asked, now even more shocked than she was.

"I mean of course what you did was awful, but so is what your dad did to you and your mother.  Burning him wasn't the best option but you were around violence, so you became violent. It makes sense."

Now it was my turn to be surprised. I had expected her to react . . . well, not like this.

"Thanks for being so . . . understanding," I said.

A small, sympathetic grin formed on her beautiful features, her eyes filled with pity. "When did you finally get out?"

"Not until I was sixteen," I told her. "And when I left I had no place to go. My mother was afraid of me, my dad was still locked up. So I got a job at a farm just carrying around hay and shoveling horse shit. My boss was a dick and I could tell that he hated me, but he kept me around anyway. It was awful, but I made enough to get an apartment of my own. And things continued on like that for a while, I just worked and slept, mostly. Drinking at the bar downtown and brining a girl home every once in a while. It was kind of a shitty life. That was, until I met her."

"Who?" Rose asked, hanging on to every word I spoke. I loved her curiosity, how she was so interested in everything.

"Her name was Emily," I said, a small smile growing on my face as I finally allowed myself to remember. "God, Rose, she was beautiful. You would've really liked her. She had long blonde hair and the most intoxicating blue eyes . . . almost like something from a dream. She was my boss' daughter and came down to the farm every once in a while. And one day we started talking, and my life was perfect ever since. She was the sweetest girl I'd ever met, I don't even know what she was doing with someone like me. I was so fucked-up, I still am, but she loved me anyway. She made me forget about my past and brought out the best in me, and I know that sounds cliché but it's true. I loved everything about her, the way she made me pancakes every morning, the way she would tell me she loved me no matter how many times I messed up. She was my favorite person in the world."

Each word I spoke hurt like hell, but it felt good to finally let it out. I hadn't talked about her since the incident, and now the memories were flooding back all at once. My mind became filled with images of her eyes, those sweet eyes that looked at me like I actually meant something. I thought of our day at the beach, which had always been my favorite memory. I thought of her laugh when she tried to teach me how to dance, I thought of the sweet kisses she planted on my lips when I told her I loved her for the first time. But then someone took her away from me, killing her for no reason. Hell, he probably even raped her. I should've protected her, I should've tried harder to keep her safe so I could see her smile just one more time. But I failed yet another person I loved. Before I knew it, a tear escaped from my eyes, and then another. Shit, now I was crying.