To Serve and Protect

Prologue - Lost

A/N: Even though this is the prologue, it is set in the present. The first few chapters are flashbacks to what brought our couple to this point. The misunderstandings and angst that seem to develop, and take time to work through. Please bear with me as I tell the story of how a calm brooding man finally reaches the heart of the girl he didn't know was his dream.

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If we open a quarrel between past and present, we shall find that we have lost the future. - Winston Churchill

Present- Lost

"I'm not exactly sure what I'm supposed to say right now," she looks at me with complete contempt. A look I never wanted to see on her face. "This is on you. You did this, no one else."

She walks through the door, but I wasn't expecting her this early. It's been a bad day. I'm supposed to be working on a string of B & E's in Chenal, but I caught a rape as part of the last break in. She is a tall thin fifteen-year-old girl that looks so much like her that I got physically ill. The only thought was I can't have anything happen to her.

Processing the scene and taking interviews took most of the day, and there was not time to sort out my thoughts before she showed up. All the months of denying the way I feel culminates in this one moment, and I don't have the strength anymore to fight.

When she touched me it's like my body takes over and common sense is kicked out. My mouth hungrily seeks hers with the desire that I'm usually able to control, but I'm not controlling it today.

Her body fits to me, pinned against the front door, healing me. I breathe watching her face as she looks only to my lips. I can hear her summon them to her, and I submit as I have before. She parts her greedy mouth and accepts me boldly as I silently demand her attention.

She adjusts long legs into a tangle around my waist, as I lick and suck her lips with mine. I'm tired of fighting this. This is where I belong, where she belongs. "I love you," easily pours from my lips as I drink in her neck. "I love you, only you." Her buttons are laid aside and my hands roam over her soft beautiful body.

She heard the words and mirrors my actions, touching my newly exposed skin. "I love you, too." She doesn't, she can't, but it's nice to hear. Maybe this makes it easier for her if she says the words.

Her shirt hits the floor as I take small parts of her into my mouth. I blow cool air over her skin to watch goose flesh appear, and the heat of her long lean body extinguishes it. She raises her head exposing more of her for me to devour, and I don't disappoint. She reacts to my every touch, begging me to give her more...more of me.

She whimpers as I touch her, acting like she lacks the experience I know she has, but I don't care what game she plays. I just want her, need her, love her...only her, and to my surprise I tell her how I feel. She goes for the buttons, brushing me in the process, and I can hear my groan before she captures it with her mouth. "Holden, I love you. I love you, so much." She says with a breathy pant.

I open my eyes to see...what the hell did I just do? I can't do this...not to her, not with her.

I right her body, hand her her shirt, and I leave the room only to return with a masked expression.

She moves around the apartment and begins to pick her scattered belongings, bits and pieces of this life we've shared these past months. Her expression shows hurt, but her voice sounds deceptively calm. "I know what you're doing. Don't worry. You're secrets is safe with me. I mean really, what would I tell people? He loves me too much to let me be with him?" She shakes her head and tells me that this is ridiculous, but that is the reason. I can't have her in this life, it's not for her. She's made to be a doctor's wife, someone that shares her interests and can take care of her...not me. I'm nobody.

She motions between us, "This isn't love. What you just did, that is the opposite of love." Her body never really slows down and she sure doesn't look at me. "You don't kiss someone like you just did, practically rip their clothes from their body, profess undying love, freeze and walk away. How am I supposed to act now? What did you just do to me?" Her face was full of horror with her last words; she picks up her purse and leaves.

Damn it!!!

I lean my forehead against the slammed front door, "What have I done?"

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I'm glad I waited on this story. It now has a new direction that has me excited about the possibilities, hence the need for a prologue...after the fact.

I hope you enjoy...if you do please comment and vote.

Thank you...Hollis