You & I~Muke

-Michael-

"Say what?"

"T-That I was h-his, t-that I b-belonged to h-him," I pause, sniffling with I hiccup in my throat. "He w-would h-hurt me w-w-when I t-t-old him I d-didn't like i-it."

His face falls and I wish I hadn't told him, I wish I hadn't spoke because whenever I do I only feel annoying.

Truth be told, I'm that kid who just stopped talking, stopped trying just because I felt like I was irritating everyone. Like I was irrelevant.

And I guess I am.

"I'm sorry kitten, I didn't mean it like that- I'd... I'd never hurt you, like he did, not ever." He says, stumbling over his words, not knowing what to say after I've made him feel so bad. "You remember my promise, don't you?"

I allow a nod amongst my hiccup of tears.

"How did he hurt you, baby?"

I shrug, looking down before I take my shaky hands and fiddle with the zip on his leather jacket he wore outside.

My hands tremble unnecessarily.

"The f-first t-t-time h-hit m-me, was t-the first t-time I t-told him I d-didn't like it, he t-t-told me not t-to t-talk back, and I s-s-shrugged; h-he g-grabbed my wrist a-and s-s-slapped m-me."

"I'm so sorry," he pulls me further onto the bed, and wraps his arms around me, and I cocoon into his body; our curves working perfectly together.

His long fingers stroke my hair as I try to calm down, shaking in my skin as I think back to the misery. The pain. The heartbreak.

And don't get me wrong, I adore Luke.

More than words can describe, and yes, he's helped me.

He's saved me, to be honest; and oh, does it sound cliché, but he has.

I was wandering, lost; drowning in the world, stumbling over my feet and my words and this asshole just walked into my life and turned it upside down.

But the depression is still there. The urge to be self destructive and ruin everything around me including myself because no one could possibly care is still there.

The anxiety and the pain and the intrusive thoughts still gather in my mind because honestly, it doesn't matter if I have Luke and ashton or calum- yes, it helps, but depression will strike no matter how good my life is and the anxiety will always come even when it has no business with me, and when there's nothing to worry about.

"I d-didn't mean to bring it up like that, I h-had no idea Michael, I'm so, so sorry."

I shrug, snuggling into the duvet; Luke's arms lace around my torso, and a second or so later I feel a patter running up the sheets to my tear stained face; and I smile.

Toba.

His little legs and quirky face blossom happiness in my chest, and I forget about my misery for a second.

I bring my hand up and stroke his beautiful, grey fur; his head nuzzles against my stubby fingers, and all I can do is enjoy his presence.

"Hey, T-Toba," I scoop him up a little, and pull him under the covers; soon enough Carrie is up on the bed too, cuddling his new found son; someone to look after and someone to appreciate after her brother's death.

And soon enough sleep grabs the four of us, seeing as it's almost ten and I'm a sleepy boy.

;

When I wake up the next morning, my face is stiff from my precious tears and my throat is sore.