GOD IS LOVE

MY CRIPPLING PAST (PART 2)

Sorry, but I need to cut it in two parts. I'm using my phone so it's hard to update. Here's the continuation.

listen to the song on the right --- "Amazing Love"

...

You might laugh at me telling you this, but I had never been so confident with the way I look. Well, it hurts to watch and listen to my family kept cracking jokes on how I look like. Maybe they didn't mean to offend me, but I was not only offended, I was deeply hurt and wounded. They would always laugh about my thick, curly hair, my dark skin and my flat nose. They made fun of me most of the times. It sucks that my sister has a long straight hair. That made me utterly different. As a result, I grew up isolating myself from them. It just so happened that what I'd love to do were the things opposite theirs. And that made me more different. I know, "unique" would have been a nice word to use. But that was just the way they made me feel. They made me feel so different. I had thought that I was the black sheep in the family... that I was unwanted... that they would not even care if I get lost... that they would be happier if I die. I never really felt loved. I had cherished all of these deep in my heart. And it has caused me to act differently towards them.

I could say that I was emotionally tortured without them noticing it. How would they know? They did not care much. I was good at faking smiles and laughs. I had cried in front of them a lot of times, and those were enough. They just ignored me and said I was so sensitive they were just joking. Why couldn't they consider my feelings? Why couldn't they make fun of everyone else but me? I was hurting.

Because of all these, I became hungry for attention and love. I would always seek acceptance. I even did everything to make my parents proud of me. I graduated in high school with flying colors. I even obeyed where they wanted me to study and which course they wanted me to take up in college. But I still felt unaccepted.

These fracturing experiences made me want to please everybody. I had feared to be rejected and be left alone. I didn't like people detesting me. I had not yet figured out if I lived my life pretending to be someone I am not. 'Cause I had always hidden myself behind the masks I wore; those masks that were based on what people would like me to be.

But I came to the point that I got tired of living my life just for the sake of living. I even asked God to let me just sleep in peace and never wake me up. But I never tried, nor even thought of committing suicide. 'Cause I know that is not right in God's eyes.

Yes. I knew God exists, but little did I know that He hears my silent cry and that He would be the One who would change my life. That time, all I knew is that He is up there in the sky watching over us, never really caring what we do with the life He gave us.

But I was so wrong.

Because God really, really cares for us, and He really, really loves us. ^_^ <3

"Casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you." -1 Peter 5:7

"I have loved you, my people, with an everlasting love. With unfailing love I have drawn you to Myself." -Jeremiah 31:3

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To GOD be all the glory!

\(^_^)/

Pardon my English. Feel free to correct my grammatical errors. It's a quarter past two in the morning here in the Philippines. I'm starting to get sleepy. :)