Beauty | The Diary of Me

Introduction

Wednesday, July 13th, 2016

           My name is Lor, well that is my nickname, I decided against using my birth name for my diary, just for my safety. I am thirteen years old and I am from Virginia.

         I love to dance, I do majorette, and hiphop style dance. I am also learning a bit of ballet. I do activities other than dancing, some of them are drawing/painting, sewing, writing, acting, chorus/singing, and much more. My favorite Tv show is "Bring It" and I love the color purple.

       Currently I am captain and I have been for the entire winter and summer season of dance. Our dance team has been together for about two years now and I have been on the team since it first started. There are so many wonderful and not so wonderful dancers on the squad.

        One of my new interests recently has been cheerleading, but I decided against auditioning for my schools team. I'm not sure how my high schools cheer team looks, and what type of things they do, so my best option was to wait.

        Now that I've talked about my interests I'm going to talk about my friends. I have many friends that are girls, such as Gwen, Julia, Sarah, Emily etc. I also have many guy friends, but I'm not going to state their names, so I will just call them "Jared" and "Matt," who are basic white boys.

      "Jared" and I met in 7th grade. The reason we are such good friends today is because we had social studies together and he was the first person I told about my crush (which happened to be "Matt" but okayyyyy anyways). He also told me about his crush on a girl whom we will call "August." "Jared" and I were (and still are) pretty close. We FaceTimed a lot and he would sing for me and play guitar. Now we just talk and give each other advice, as well as snapchat.

      "August" has all the guys drooling over her. I don't understand why, she seems pretty basic to me. She has short blonde hair, a great body. Okay, okay, okay she might be pretty great, but that doesn't change my jealousy. Honestly, "August" and I are actually very good friends, and she is really kind and smart. Too bad we won't be going to high school together.

      "Matt" is my old crush. I basically had a crush on him for all of my middle school life. It all started in sixth grade when we had Music 6 and Math together. That's when we became "besties." Me and my friend "Lily" we're having a competition to see who had more friends or who could make more. I won this game because of "Matt". Both me and "Lily" had asked "Matt" who he'd be friends with and he chose me. Our friendship started there, we were such sixth graders.

       By the end of my sixth grade year I had grown a small crush, which turned into a big one in 7th grade. We were basically best friends, and some people thought we were dating. We had homeroom, and social studies/science together in 7th grade. I still remember the day he called me Beautiful, it was for food (but it was genuine, I felt it). I also remember the subtle flirting, and how he'd always work with me on worksheets and projects, and we would always switch assigned seats to sit next to each other. I also remember in history when he insisted on sharing a textbook with me, and when he left his notebook in another classroom and we both walked together to the class to get it. I remember when he struggled with school and always came to me. I remember many things and I miss them.

       Sadly, I'm a screw up. On the last day of seventh grade I told "Matt" about my crush. This is exactly what I told him:

"Hey... So I kind of have no idea how to say this, but anyways I like you and have for a while... I just feel like this is going to ruin our friendship or make things awkward between us. I hope it doesn't. I also hope you don't feel bad for not feeling the same way... Anyways, bye? I guess lol."

To which he responded,

"Lol it's fine it won't make things awkward,"

And I responded,

"Thanks, I guess..."

    To make the awkward conversation worse, it was all through Instagram. Even though he promised everything would not be awkward, things haven't been the same since.

     "Matt" and I's relationship has never been the same. For the first few months of 8th grade he ignored me. When we finally started talking again it was really awkward. We eventually had a closer relationship but not as close as before.

      At the end of the year we had a formal, and "Matt" ended up asking "August" to formal. That was like rubbing salt into a giant, disgusting, painful wound. He asked out one of my friends. I guess I couldn't be mad though, I don't exactly find myself attractive even though everyone else thinks otherwise.

       In the end I regret telling him about my feelings, I remember crying myself to sleep that night. It hurts a lot. I also remember being sad because I was talking to him about how he was asking "August" to formal. Everything is fine, though, I'm young so I have a while since I'm ready to date.

         This is a sum up of my life so far, or at least the important things. It is now time to talk about the present.

        In about a month or two I'm going to be in ninth grade. I will also be 14.

        So far I've only done two dance competitions, we got second in both.

       Just recently I've been looking at people who are going to my high school over social media. I am going to an entirely different school than my friends, this includes Jared and Matt. In order to find people I could potentially be friends with I've done some digging, and I may or may not have come across a very cute boy who we will call Kyle.

         Kyle is Black and Hispanic. He also happens to have a girlfriend who is extremely pretty, so I would probably never have a chance with him. I guess we'll see what next year brings, plus they've only been dating for three days, nothing to worry about, right?

       Well I think this is all I need to write for now. It's 12:22 and I should probably sleep, a queen always needs her rest haha. Goodnight my lovelies and I hope you're ready for this roller coaster called my life.