Breathe

6

not to 

and I felt like a failure.

Daiha shouldn't have to see me cry

even though she couldn't 

not technically.

But the doctors said

that sometimes

people in comas 

can hear you..

which means she could 

probably hear me crying

and I didn't want her

to know 

that I was crying.

I took a deep breath instead

and held it until 

I wasn't making any sound at all.

The tears were still falling

but I figured Daiha

couldn't see them.

Then,

I told her 

that I got into a fight

and that Shane tried to stop me

from getting into another fight.

That Mary and Presley

were together

and that they wouldn't 

leave me alone.

That Mom and Dad

were fighting

when they thought I was sleeping.

And that I met a guy named Jax.

I told her I didn't know 

anything about him

but that he protected me

in a sense.

I told her that 

I wanted to see him again

and ask him

all the questions I had.

By the time I was done talking

my throat hurt

and it was time 

to go to school.

I squeezed Daiha's hand

and felt myself

smiling

just a little bit

because even if she couldn't respond

it was good to tell her everything.

I just hoped

that she could hear me.

* * *

Ingrid sat with me at lunch today.

I didn't know why

and I didn't ask

I was just grateful 

that I wasn't alone

at lunch.

We didn't talk much

because her boyfriend was there,

but I would rather that

than be alone.

The only thing 

Ingrid and I 

talked about

was Daiha.

Ingrid said

she would visit Daiha

after school

and I told her I couldn't 

go with her

but that I was glad

she was visiting.

and I was.

So far

it had only been my parents

and me...

I'm sure Daiha

would be happy 

if the other two people

that cared about her

visited her.

With that thought in mind

I went to find Shane

to see if he would visit Daiha.

Even if she didn't know it

I didn't want her to be alone

to feel alone

like me.

She didn't deserve to be alone

but I did.

I deserved it

after everything I put Daiha through.

She should be happy

she should have the people who care about her 

there for her.

Nobody cared about me

nobody

cared

nobody

and then I felt myself

having another panic attack

for the second time

today

and in a blur

I tried to get to the girls bathroom

away from everyone

away

away

away..

Then I bumped into someone

and felt myself fall.

I squeezed my eyes shut

because the world was still spinning

but when I didn't hit the ground

I opened my eyes

even though everything was blurry

and dots were everywhere

and my ears were ringing.

Someone had caught me.

No,

not just anyone.

I felt myself gasp a breath

because I was so surprised,

my head still pounding.

I put a hand to my head

trying to stop it from pounding,

and blinked over and over

because I found myself 

staring into blue eyes.

Not just any blue eyes, 

though.

Jax's blue eyes.