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Pen Your Pride

Back Then

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Hello my lovely darlings.  This is a story that I have had even before 'It Happened One Night' and 'My Mentor'.  I am posting the introduction and chapter one.  I have four chapters written but I will not resume writing this until I have finished 'My Mentor'.  I am currently writing chapter 28 and I am guessing that there will be about 8 or 10 more chapters until I finish 'My Mentor'.  As per usual, once there is only a few more chapters of my current story remaining, I'll begin posting new chapters of this.  A time line that I have given myself is December...but it could be as early as the middle of November.  Anyway...of course this is a Narry boyxboy story!!  Love 'em to bits!!  Enjoy, darlings!!!



So my teen years weren’t the best.  And that is putting it extremely lightly.  At the age of twelve I began my awkward looking phase.  I know everyone goes through this, but mine seemed to last longer than any of my peers.

While my classmates were growing into their looks and getting better looking each year, I would remain the same ugly duckling.  I had dull brown hair, crooked teeth, I was slightly too thin and I was a bit short.  The only thing that I could actually say that I liked about myself were my eyes.  They were bright blue like my mothers and I was thankful for that.

I was tormented for my looks a little bit, being called ‘No Style Niall’ was a common occurrence in the halls of school,  but most of the torment was just because everyone thought I was weird, I didn’t have any friends and I kept to myself and stayed with my head buried in a book. 

The day I graduated from school was a bit difficult.  I was sat with all of my classmates in our caps and gowns; the same classmates that I have had since I was seven years old and moved to London with my parents and brother from Ireland.

What made this day especially difficult was the fact that as each student walked across the stage to get their diploma, cheers, screams and whistles came from a lot of people, such as family and friends.  When they called my name and I walked to retrieve my diploma, I probably received the lowest amount of cheers and them only coming from my mother, father and older brother, Greg.  It was slightly embarrassing, but I tried to hide the feeling and smile for my parent’s camera and video recorder.

At my celebratory diner that night with my family at one of the nicer Italian restaurants in London, I noticed other people from my graduating class there as well.  They all seemed to be surrounded by friends and laughing and have a grand old time, probably planning parties to go to later on tonight to celebrate further. 

Why was I never good enough to get into any type of clique?  I really wouldn’t have cared even if it was a clique where I would have had to wear all black and dye my hair strange colors and listen to dark music with a lip ring in my bottom lip.  I just so desperately wanted to belong anywhere.  But I knew that in reality it was kind of my doing.  I hit my ‘ugly duckling’ stage and shut everyone out.  I didn’t give people a chance to befriend me for fear of rejection.  So now because of that, I am here with my only friends, who also happen to be my mum, dad and Greg.  Sad, right?

Later that night, after much internal struggling, I decided that I was going to be a different person when I went to University.   I was actually lucky enough to be able to have the grades to be accepted to Trinity College, my first choice university, on a full scholarship.  I would be studying to receive my Bachelors of Arts, Music.  Obviously since I didn’t have any friends no one but my family knew that I had a passion for music.  No one but my family knew I could play the guitar.  No one but my family knew I could sing.

Of course I had dreams of becoming a famous performer one day and having concerts of my very own in sold out arenas or stadiums; dreams of thousands of screaming fans calling my name and singing my songs.  That was definitely the ultimate dream.  The reality was that I was too shy and closed off to do anything about it while I was still in secondary school.

Not anymore.  I would be an outgoing person when I went to uni.  I would be confident and show my talents to others.  I would let people know me.  I would let people in.  I kept repeating this to myself.  I kept trying to convince myself that I was actually going to go through with this plan. 

I would go back home to Ireland for uni and be the person that I have always wanted to be.  I would leave this current shy and guarded Niall behind in London and as soon as I step foot into my dorm room I would be a confident and outgoing Niall.  I could do it.  I know I can.  I think.  I hope.  Please let me be able to. 

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