Not Twilight (a parody)

Chapter 5: Why Are You Still Reading This?

It was finally the next chapter and Edward was driving me home from dinner.

"Thank you for saving me back there, Edward." I said as romantically as possible while I leaned on his shoulder.

"Bella, those guys were about to beat me up. You could try to be more careful." He said and slowly tried to push me off him.

"Your so cold." I said as I realized how cold he was. The funny thing was I was actually talking about his attitude and he thought I was talking about his skin.

Bored, I opened the dashboard and looked around in it.

"What's that?" I asked. I moved the hair gel out of the way and picked up the red stained bottle labled "Blood". 

"Oh, that's nothing!" He said as he slammed the dashboard shut. He put two hands back on the steering wheel and concentrated on the road.

"Sorry." He said when he realized he had upset me. I continued to pout. 

"Why don't you just tell me the truth?" I asked. He knew what I was talking about. The reason he could read minds, the reason he could stop vans at inhuman speed and stregnth, the reason he kept hair gel in his dashboard!

"I can't." He said straightforward. 

"Why not?" I asked.

"Because if you haven't guessed yet than you're clearly too stupid to keep a secret." He said. 

"So there is a secret!" I protested. He huffed. 

"I can't tell you now. You'll have to confront me at a later time, preferably in the woods with too much fog while you don't actually look at my face and it's really dramatic." He said. It seemed like he's done this before.

"Why then?" I asked, bewildered.

"Because if we do it then, we have an excuse to cut class." He pointed out. Dang, he was good.

"Which class?" I asked.

"Biology because everytime we are parteners you keep failing me." He sounded mad.

"Oh. So maybe later this week?" I asked. He nodded.

"So any questions about my mind reading ability?" He asked.

"How come you can't read my mind?" I asked. 

"I have absolutley no idea." He said.

"What if I think really loud?" I asked.

"Bella you can't think loudly; it's not possible."

"Oh." I was dissapointed. 

"Are we there yet! I'm hungry!" I complained.

"Bella, you just ate!" He said. He clearly didn't no how the stomach works.

"That was my dinner space. My dessert space is still empty." I pointed out. He nodded and chuckled. 

When we arrived at my house he stopped the car.

"We're here." He said. I sat still.

"I know." I said. I didn't move.

"Are you going to get out?" He asked.

"I'm going to wait for you to open my door like a gentlemen after a date," I said.

"Date?" He looked shocked. He gave me the "are you serious?" grin.

"What you don't like me now!" i shouted at him.

"No. What?. No. Of course I do." He seemed confused probably because he didn't think he would ever get to date someone as pretty as me.

"Okay," he shrugged. He got out of the car and walked around to the other side. He opened the door for me and I unbuckled.

"Come on," He urged me. He made a hand gesture as if I were a dog.

"Carry me." I demanded. He rolled his eyes but he kept doing what I told him to so he must have enjoyed it. He picked me up and I let my arms hang out the sides and closed my eyes.

"What are you doing?" He asked. 

"Pretending to be a dead princess and you're the prince wishing you had come and saved me from the dragon sooner." I let my tongue hang out of my mouth. When I opened my eyes we were at the front porch. 

"Can I put you down now?" He asked.

"Nooooo." I whined. "Carry me to my room." I demanded.

"But be quiet because my dad's sleeping on the couch." I smiled a fake smile. He groaned. 

He opened the door and took me up the stairs. Charlie was snoring louder than a train. Edward carried me up the stairs without no difficulty.

"This isn't easy." He whispered, pretending to be in pain.  He got to the top and was lowering himself to let me on the ground when all the sudden I fell down the stairs. He dropped me!

"You iiddiioott......" I yelled as I rolled. He ran down after me but by the time he caught up I was already at the bottom. Charlie's snoring stopped and we both looked over there. A second later he started snoring again so he slept through the whole thing. 

"I'm so sorry. Are you okay?" He whispered.

"Yeah." I said. Then I laid on the floor and fell asleep.