Freshman

August 19th

Freshman year. The year of parties, alcohol and boys. Or so I've heard. Over the summer everyone was talking about how amazing high school was gonna be. Drinking, partying, sex... I wasn't like that though. I spent my summer with my family, trying to get things off my head. 8th grade had been bad. Really bad. I was hopelessly in love with a guy I could never have, I only had 1 true friend and a few people bullied me. Not fun. I had somewhat forgotten about the horrible year over the summer but now when I'm walking through the big school doors, all the memories comes back. The halls are crowded with people. Hugging and cheering, greeting their friends they haven't seen for the entire break. In my school, like in most schools, there are several social groups. You either belong to one or you don't. There are jocks, nerds, rebels, the popular and the outsiders. While I walk through the halls, I pass all of them. There are a few of the popular girls standing by their lockers, laughing, hugging and applying lipstick. The nerds are already stacking books in their lockers and the rebels... They are nowhere to be seen. They're probably outside smoking but nobody gives a fuck about them anyway.

Then I see my group. The outsiders. Our group consists of my best friend Maya, my two other "friends" Alexa and Penelope and I.
"Hey" I say as I slowly approach them. Maya barely responds. What happened to her during the summer? We haven't talked much and I miss her, but she has changed. She has turned into this shy, awkward girl that even I can't recognize.
"Hi" she finally responds. We don't hug. We never do.
Alexa isn't like us. She's outgoing, tall and cares way too much about what other people think of her. She likes me though, I think.
"Hey Jenna!" Alexa says and hugs me tight.
We stay in silence until Maya suggests we go to our classes.
Our grade gathers in a small classroom and our teacher begins to talk about the coming year. The whole hour is a blur and I can only understand a few words she's saying. "It's going to be a fun year".

  The day is almost done when we gather in the cafeteria. All four of us takes a seat by the table in the right corner. I look up when Alexa tries to talk to me and that's when I see him. I see the guy I've been trying so hard to forget. The guy who broke my heart even though I was never his. He broke my heart without even trying and here I sit, in the cafeteria, trying so hard to not look over at him because when I do, I know I might get feelings for him again and I just can't. I can't love him, I don't want to. I spent the entire summer trying to get over him and I didn't spend so much time for nothing.
"Jenna? Hello?" I snap out of my stare and look at Alexa.
"Oh I'm sorry I got lost in my own thoughts" I say and laugh. Alexa looks behind her and she sees him.
"Oh Jenna... Please tell me you're over him"
"I am" I lie.
"Who?" Penelope asks
"Who? Are you kidding me Penelope!" Alexa says and laughs "Dylan, obviously" she continues.
"I am over him! Stop talking about him!" I say, a little too loud. Shit. I'm overreacting.
"You're not" Alexa simply says
I don't say anything else. I just sit there and stare at him and feel everything I once felt, again.