Ashes (Sequel to Windows To The Soul)

Twenty-One.

“Hi, Taylor.”

It was my father, well if it’s right to keep calling him a father. He took a few steps toward me but I held my arm in the air, trying to get him to stop approaching me.

“I just wanted to apologize,” he said, he didn’t even look at me in the eyes.

“Apologize?” I clenched my fists and breathed in trying to calm myself down, “after everything you’ve done? After all the damage you’ve caused me? Are you serious?”

“I was trying to do the best for you, Taylor,” he protested.

Oh come on, it sounded like not even him was believing his lies.

I finally took a few steps toward him, facing him. I was really angry and hurt, this day couldn’t get worse.

“So, according to your absolute nonsense, the best for me is getting hurt, right?” I clenched my jaw, my blood was boiling, “Are you insane?! Do you know how much damage you’ve caused me? I can’t trust anyone anymore! My feelings are messed up because I don’t know what to do with my life, I don’t know if I’ll ever let anyone in, I don’t know if I’ll love anyone again!” I took my hands up to my head and started crying, “and here you are “apologizing” to me, when you aren’t even convinced, you don’t want to apologize!”

I was crying so hard, the lump in my throat hurt and I wanted to run away from everything. He was standing there and he wasn’t even looking at me, why on earth did he come here? To hurt me again, of course, because no matter how much I try I will always get hurt.  No matter what I do, no matter where I go, someone somewhere will hurt me and I was exhausted.

“As I imagined, you have nothing to say about this. Goodbye, I don’t want to see you again in my life, you heard me?” I sobbed and walked up to my car.

I’m not going to lie, a small part of me wanted him to follow me and apologize and tell me that I’m his little girl and that everything was going to be alright, but that wasn’t going to happen.

I started the car and I wasn’t sure where to go, I had nowhere to go other than my dorm or my mum’s, and I didn’t want to be surrounded by girls that didn’t give a thing about me nor worry my mother.  So I drove away with no destination, I just wanted to disappear. It’d make everything easier for everyone and for me.

I’ve always had everything I wanted, I’ve always been a happy little girl, and look at me now, I’m pathetic, absolutely pathetic. Because I let people do whatever they want with me and because I was seriously thinking about going to visit Harry. He was the one that could understand what I was going through; he was the only one that could give me a good advice.

I was still a little bit angry with him for making out with that girl and cheating on me and not telling me about what he did to Louis’ parents and not telling me about the plan that Louis and my dad had plotted. Thinking about that made me even angrier, so I decided to go to a café and have a warm cup of hot chocolate and cry all alone.

A feeling of hopelessness was taking over me way too fast and it was scaring me, the more I thought the more I wanted to give everything up and go live in a forest where anyone could find me, but then again, I didn’t want to be alone. I groaned as I parked the car, if everything I’ve been through hasn’t killed me then my mind would, I was going crazy.

I walked in the café and ordered that hot chocolate that I so needed, my body was cold and numb I needed something to warm up. I sat on a table and watched people talk and have fun, there were small groups of friends laughing and a few couples reminding me how alone I was.

I took my phone out of my pocket and connected the headphones to it, if no one was going to save me then music would.

What was I doing with my life? I thought as Rihanna’s song What Now sounded through the headphones, that song was so accurate that I couldn’t hold my tears anymore.  Everyone around me had gone where they wanted to go, both Ed and Nina are recording artists and here I am, complaining about everything.