Complicated

01. celena

It hurt me to see my mom this way.
So down and weak. She got with a horrible man named Matt. It's already been about three years. He was a nice guy at first and it seemed like he had his life together, until he got fired for being dumb and now here he is in my house, forcing my mom to do things a woman should never have to do.

Matt is a sicko. A druggie. A terrible human being. He's got skin as wrinkly as a crumbled up sheet of paper and a face so intimidating, you can't help to feel total fear when he lays his coal like eyes on you. He is also extremely sturdy, his height and muscles were something to not go against.

My mother used to be so beautiful. Almost like a goddess. She had alluring olive skin, long healthy curls, and an amazing, bubbly personality. That woman used to light up any room she took step in.

But now she's in gruesome condition. She is literally controlled by Matt now and it is one of the most saddest things to see and experience. It is almost as if she was his slave. She does everything for this man and I guess I understand why.

If she doesn't do what he says, he hits her. Just last week, I came home to see him whipping her with a belt. I froze up, in complete terror. I wish I can do something. I wish things were different.

"What cha lookin at whore? Get up in ya room before this becomes you!" he said grinning, his crooked yellow teeth showing.

My mother was in tears but her eyes spoke to me.

I'll be fine. Go upstairs. You're safe there.

My real dad isn't in the picture at all. I have never seen him before and I know nothing about him. I don't even know his name. Well actually, the only thing I do know is that his last name is Ramirez since that is my last name. But that's pretty much it.

My home isn't that great. It's really small and it's always dirty since my mom or Matt don't put any effort into cleaning it. I've tried to clean it because I can't stand living in such a dump but Matt doesn't let me go downstairs too much. They both always want me up in my room. It's like I'm trapped there. But hey, at least I have somewhere to sleep in cause well sleeping is nice.

Despite all this, I do get to live and be happy and it's at my lovely workplace.
I work at a little cute bakery behind my neighborhood. My aunt owns the place. She pays me a very good amount of money and has helped me so much. Because of her, I have nice clothes, a car, and every other essential thing that a girl needs.

I wish I can live with her but I can not. I can't leave my mom completely alone with this monster forever. I don't know how but I will find a way to get her out of there. I just haven't found a safe and manageable way yet.

My tia Kathia is the only family member that I have. The only one that lives where we live. She is my mom's sister and it hurts her to see her younger sister living the way she does.

She has tried to step in many times to get my mom and I out of the situation we are in but Matt harshly threatens her each time, the last one being completely terrifying.

I remember it like if it was yesterday.

The way he had his gun pointed at my Tia Kathia's head, telling her to never step foot in this damn house again.

"Don't tell me what I can and can't do"
my aunt said and it angered Matt. He slapped her in the face and quickly pushed her out of the door, leaving her no time to react, all with the gun still pointing towards her temple.

"If you dare to come back again, I will shoot you. That's a promise."

It hurts me too much to think about all that. I fear for my mothers life so bad. Heck, I fear for my own life as well. Everyday seems to be something different with Matt.

He claims that he doesn't want to hurt my mother and I. It's just that he wants to protect us with all he's got.

Bullshit.

Anyways,
School life.

My school and social life isn't quite amazing but I highly appreciate the education. I mean, I like school, I like learning. However, I don't like the the people there. Everyone tries way too hard to fit in and there is no sense of reality in anybody.

I no longer have friends and I honestly like it that way.

I had to cut off the ones I had before because they were way too problematic, way too immature and that just ain't me. It's something I will not deal with.

To be real. That is key to me.

Everyone in this school just all seem to have this passion for being something they're not.

When you're quiet like me, you tend to hear a lot. I've caught people talking about me but I never say anything. I really would rather much stay to myself.

The girl with the headphones in, silent, serious, always does her work.

That's me in school.

Trust, I do have another side to me.
The one I don't bother to show at school cause what for.

I'm usually like my old mother.
Bubbly and happy.
I really do try to make the best of my life and spread positivity the best that I can.

School, work, eat, sleep.

Those are the four things I live by.

However, this is my senior year.
I'm planning to make a change and to be more out there. I want to make this year the best. Make it worth living for.

And that will start in just one more day.