Breathe

2

we had school today

for the first time since the hurricane.

I didn't want to go

and my parents probably wouldn't have noticed

if I didn't go anyways,

but for some reason

I found myself

getting dressed

and heading to school.

Maybe it was because

I didn't want to sit in the apartment

all by myself

with my thoughts

with my guilt...

but being back at school?

my own personal hell

aside from the hospital

since Presley

and my so-called 'friends'..

since they posted that video

since they betrayed me

backstabbed me

humiliated me.

everyone hated me

because of them.

the rumors would be out of control.

the stares

the whispers

the laughs

the mocking...

I felt dizzy

just thinking about it.

I had to stop walking

to sit on the sidewalk

with my head between my knees

telling myself over

and over

and over

to breathe

because I couldn't

why couldn't I breathe?

I felt myself choking on air

and I clutched my head

because my ears were ringing

and then I was finally gasping for breath

breathing

breathing

breathing

alive

I was alive

but would I survive?

* * *

I got into a fight today.

I don't know what came over me

but these girls

they were talking about Daiha

they made fun of her

called her insane

said she should be put in a mental asylum

when she woke up..

if she woke up..

then they said that

she should just stay in her coma

and never wake up

and I just

I couldn't let them talk about her like that

so I dropped my bag

walked up to her

and slapped her in the face..

she was so shocked

she couldn't believe

that I slapped her.

I slapped the other girl too

and that was when all hell broke loose.

they pulled my hair

and I kicked

and scratched

and punched

and wrestled

and even though it was two against one

I had more rage

because my sister deserved to wake up

to live

to be happy

because it

was

my

fault

that she was in a coma.

it was my fault

everything...

If I had just spent more time with her

maybe she wouldn't have cut herself

and starved herself

and wanted to die

and oh God

I was crying

I was in the principals office

and I was crying

and

crying

and

crying