Haven [Marvel | Bucky Barnes]

Chapter 5

When he did break the silence, Iris wasn't sure she could've been more caught off guard by the sudden change in topic.

"What do you know about Steve Rogers?" She tore her attention from his hands, her cheeks warming as she realized she'd been staring, glancing at him quizzically. He was still looking off and away from her, his steel-blue eyes intent but distant. She could only blink in bewilderment. That seemed abrupt. She cleared her throat the instant she realized she'd been staring again, turning her thoughts instead to wrack her brain. That name sounded familiar...oh...

"You mean Captain America?" A faint but bitter smile tugged at his lips, but he still refused to look at her even as he nodded in confirmation. That was curious. "Not much, really. I know he was in New York and that he helped save us from that alien invasion thing. And I know he was involved in that S.H.I.E.L.D. thing a few weeks back, you know, with the Helicarriers?" A quiet sound reminiscent of a depreciating snort escaped him, drawing an involuntary frown of bewilderment to Iris' face. She thought for a minute, her fingers fiddling with her necklace as she often did when she was lost in thought, before remembering something.

"He has an exhibit or something—there's an exhibit about him, I mean—at the Smithsonian right now," she shrugged as his brow creased and he glanced surreptitiously her way, "I hear the ads for it on the radio at work all the time. It'd be as good a place as any to find out more about him, I imagine. I've been meaning to go for ages."

After a long moment he nodded, a terse expression she imagined was intended to be thanks playing across his face as he tried to hide a flicker of disappointment that had Iris wishing she had more to tell him. Her frown deepened with alarm as his expression grew darker, his hands no longer loose but curling into tight fists, the muscles in his arms and shoulders tensing. "I—I can't—" his voice, though still quiet, was just as tense as his frame, the timbre coarsening until he was nearly snarling in frustration, "I can't remember—I can't—I need to remember." It was obvious he wasn't talking to her anymore, his frustration abruptly mixing with dejection. He just sighed heavily, sharply carding his long hair back out of his face. Iris nearly flinched at the violence of the motion. But the gesture did little and almost immediately the problem strands had fallen back into his face. She bit back the way her breath hitched in helpless sympathy at the discouraged expression warring with his irritation. She wanted to say something, but what? What could she say to that? There was nothing. Nothing that wouldn't sound patronizing or inadequate or outright insensitive, especially as she had no idea what was going on inside his head. She had nothing to say that would ease how conflicted he looked. So she said nothing.

Instead Iris reached out, tucking the closest lock back behind his ear. With a jerk James glanced over at her, startled and looking suddenly uncomfortable, even embarrassed by whatever it was that had overcome him just then. She gave him a reassuring smile back before laying the hand that had just been threading through his hair on his shoulder. It was only the second time she'd touched him so purposefully after that first day. She could feel him tense under her touch but he didn't flinch away.

So she left it there. And as moment after long moment passed, he slowly began to relax again. Around them the early evening had grown late and the sky had begun to darken, while the city seemed, in some ways, to grow brighter as streetlights and headlights and porch-lights came on to illuminate the night. Above them the quarter-moon shone dully in a sky half-lit by the city around them. But it was just clear enough that, despite the man-made light pollution, a few twinkling stars managed to prick through the murky dimness of the night sky. Even as Iris noticed their appearance it seemed they had caught James' attention too, drawing him more firmly away from the darkness of his thoughts only moments ago.

"As a kid I barely realized there were more than a couple stars in the sky; the light in the city was just too much." She was surprised when he broke the silence again after what had just happened, looking back to the lost man beside her for a moment. "I knew, I think, how many stars there were really, but I'd never pictured it or bothered to imagine what it would look like." He fell silent again for a moment, still looking up at the sky, and though he was lost again in memory, his gaze was focused this time. "The first time I saw the night sky, all the stars, away from the city, I could barely breathe. I'd never seen anything like it before."

Iris couldn't help but smile softly at how peaceful he sounded. There was no shadow on that memory, no long lost best friend, no secret dark thoughts; just the memory of something beautiful. She found herself leaning against him, her arm threading around his so her hand was nestled between his forearm and his side as she scooted closer. He was solid and warm, his body heat chasing away the chill that was beginning to cool the air as evening gave way to night. He shifted a bit in surprise, glancing down at her.

But he didn't pull away. She smiled, still gazing up at the sparse smattering of stars.

"I remember seeing them once, in the country, I mean," she offered after a moment, her voice just as memory-laden as his had been, "when I was a kid. I went with one of my friends and her dad. It was the only time I'd ever been camping. Only time I'd ever been out of the city, really. I don't think I've seen them like that since. They really were beautiful. Someday, I imagine, I'll see them again. I'd like to, at least." She felt him shift again beside her, still watching her, drawing her attention away from the stars and back to him. His dark eyes were midnight pools, drawing her in as she met them. Her breath hitched as his gaze flicked almost of its own accord to her lips. Involuntarily, her tongue darted out to moisten them even as her own gaze was drawn to his.

And then he was mere inches away and drawing closer, pausing close enough that she could feel his breath ghosting against her skin. Her pulse began to thrum, her breath catching at his proximity.

But then he was pulling away, a flicker of distress surfacing in his eyes before he hid it behind an unreadable, fathomless expression. Disappointment threatened to bring a frown to Iris' face, but when she caught sight of that flicker it faded away leaving her wondering sadly at how the prospect of a kiss could leave him feeling so vulnerable. It was funny how he could be completely unreadable and yet utterly transparent.

"Maybe someday I could take you," he murmured wistfully after a long moment, looking up to the sky again. There was a hopeless longing in his voice that suddenly had her eyes pricking, but she forcibly ignored it. She didn't want to think on the dejected certainty he had that it was never going to happen, no matter how much he might want it. Instead she tightened her hold on his arm and looked back up to the handful of stars fighting through the city loom, laying her head on his shoulder.

"I'd like that," she murmured back.    

A/N: Thanks for reading!

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