Panacea - {Daryl Dixon Fanfiction}

Day 309: Say the Name

It was a noise unlike any other, that day. One that none of them had heard in quite some time. One that they'd never believed they'd hear again. Everyone, even the prisoners, grew quiet as Maggie stepped out of block C with a bloody bundle tucked in the crook of her arms, and it's wailing silenced everyone.

Rick had made to go find Lori, but Maggie had stopped him.

He knew then, and even as his child was screaming next to him, it's like he couldn't hear or see anything. He had shut down.

"Rick?" Daryl had stepped in, waving a hand in front of the man's face. "Rick, ya with me?"

Blank.

"Good news is she looks healthy." Herschel announced as he looked over the little girl. "But if she doesn't have formula, she won't last long."

Daryl threw his crossbow over his shoulder. "Nope. Not her. We're not losing another one, especially not her." He announced that he was going on a run, and Maggie had agreed to go with him. After stepping up and giving everyone a job to do, he set off with her on the back of his bike.

* * *

They arrived at a daycare. They were hesitant, afraid of what they might find inside, but all was quiet. The place had gone untouched it appeared, almost like there had been children here just yesterday. There were paper hand prints with names on them, and the two tried not to think about where those children might be right now.

Daryl's eyes landed on 'Sophie', and he clenched his jaw. Not only had he lost the girl, he had lost Carol today. She had known him the best out of the group, and they had formed a rather odd friendship. And just like that she was gone.

There was another name on the wall that caught his eye and caused him to grit his teeth: 'Gabriella'. Damn, how she had fussed about having children someday, naming half the names he was seeing on the wall.

"How about Charlie? For a girl?"

Daryl grunted, focused on the television.

"Or it could be for a boy." She had shrugged like it made no difference to her, but it did. "I like Cody for a boy, though."

"What's it matter?" Daryl muttered, oblivious to what she was trying to get at.

He wished he had paid more attention to that. Given her what she wanted when he had the chance. Married her, given her children...of course then he didn't believe they would last. He didn't think that she wanted to marry someone like him, let alone have his children.

"So who's Gabry?" He heard Maggie ask as she filed through some cabinets.

"What?"

"Heard you talking to my dad the other night. Was she your girlfriend?" Maggie wasn't one to beat around the bush. Daryl kind of liked that about her.

"Yeah." Daryl busied himself with keeping watch out of a window.

"It's okay to talk about her, y'know." Maggie said.

"No," Daryl grumbled, "it's not. How many of the other's know?"

"Just Glenn." Maggie said, coming up empty in her search. "Why is she some secret?"

"Just wasn't anybody's business." He told her, and then moved on to anther room. Truth was it made him weak to think about her. With her on his mind, he wasn't focused, and out here he couldn't afford to be distracted. So he was able to block out the memories, and therefore the pain, with the excuse of needing to stay alert.

* * *

The baby was still crying when they returned, but fortunately they had found powdered formula. Rick was nowhere to be seen, so Daryl stepped in, much to the surprise of the group. Babysitting with Gabry had come in handy. He gingerly took the baby from Carl, shushing a cooing to her as Maggie and Beth prepared her a bottle. He wrapped her in a clean shirt, and settled her against his chest and rocked her while he waited for the bottle.

"Come on," He prodded gently, urging her to take it. Gabry had shown him a trick with the little ones she looked after; drizzle a bit into their mouth to get them to taste it, and sure enough they'd take to it without hesitation. "There ya go." He said once she had done that.

The rest of the group stood back and watched, unable to believe the rough redneck had a soft side.

"She got a name yet?" He asked Carl.

"No," the boy said, "I was thinking maybe Sophia...or Carol..." He listed off other names of past group members, only bringing up bad memories as he did. "I don't know..."

"Hmm, she's a little ass-kicker, if anything." Daryl grinned to himself. "You like that, little Ass-kicker? Am I right?" He looked around at the rest of the group, who were amused by the name he had donned on the child. It was nice to see they were still able to smile, and even laugh, after all that had happened. It was easy to forget what humor was nowadays.

But as Daryl stood there, holding that tiny little girl in his arms, he felt a pang of disappointment. Not because she wasn't his- because there was nothing stopping him from procreating- but because she wasn't Gabry's. He'd never know the feeling of pride when he'd hold their child, a little Charlie or little Cody, and thus he couldn't fully enjoy the moment.

The closest he had come to something like this was with Gabry's nephew, who's name he had long forgotten.

* * *

"You want to hold him?" She asked him, extending her arms out to pass over the little boy.

"I'm good." Daryl dismissed. What if he held him too tight, or too loose and he dropped him? What if he cried or threw up on him?

"Oh, c'mon, just for a minute." Gabry left him no choice and thrust the baby into his arms. Daryl shot her an annoyed glance, but otherwise wrapped her arms around him like he'd seen her do. The baby let out a worried moan, looking Daryl dead in the eyes.

"Gabry." The panic was apparent in his voice, causing Gabry to laugh.

"Chill, let me get him a bottle."

The fact that she had dumped this kid onto him was worrisome, but now she was leaving him alone with it was damn outrageous. So when she headed for the kitchen, he sprang up and went with her.

"Hold him closer to your chest. Babies like to be close to you." Daryl followed her instructions, and started to bounce him as he had seen her do to calm him. He looked up for Gabry's approval, and she was grinning from ear to ear.

"What are you smilin' about?"

She shrugged. "You look like you'd be a great dad."

Daryl grinned. "Stop."

"Papa Dixon." Gabry joked. "I like that."