The First Step

Chapter Five

The next few days went by slowly. I kept having mixed thoughts about everything... What if Natalie was right, and Rose was wrong? Rose knew about guys, she knew a lot of them when she was my age. But Natalie was my friend, and she had a point...

He could hurt me, if I wasn't careful.

But I told myself that I wasn't doing anything wrong. I shouldn't feel guilty for anything. I mean, really... I was playing it safe.

I couldn't think about it anymore. If I over thought this, I'd back out. I knew I wanted to talk to Mat. I needed to get to know him. I wanted to.

And, Natalie doesn't know him. She doesn't see him. She isn't in my classes...

If I did talk to him... She wouldn't know.

So, I thought, as long as she doesn't see me being with him, it doesn't matter.

Who's she to even say who I should be with? She isn't me, she doesn't know who I know, she has no right, none at all.

Why does she think her decision will overrule my own?

Forget it, I said. From this point on, Rose will be my one and only confidant. She will be the only one to know everything, she'll help me, and I know she'll support me, even if my best friend can't.

Rose would be that one person who I trust with ultimately everything... Even though I already trusted her with all my heart. I knew she loved me and would tell me what was right and wrong.

I kept battling with myself, trying to be convincing. Rose was right, Natalie was wrong. I could do what I want. She had no power over me, and I could make my own decisions. This could turn into something good, and if I didn't try... It's a guarantee that it won't happen.

I'm going to talk to Mat, Natalie doesn't have to know, and Rose will guide me along.

Nothing can go wrong, as long as I keep enough distance. He needs someone to talk to him, nobody does. This is a good thing.

I'm doing the right thing.

I know I am.

I hope.