Accepted With Scars

Chapter 33 - Ditto

"You should of stayed away, my boys would of been fine without you... all of us would." I had sobbed into the ground then and Leo picked up Levi, carrying him to the infirmary as others began cleaning the battle field all around me, Kat and Roxy were at my side at once.

"Its not your fault Ivory, Daddy just hurts!" Roxy reasoned, her face was tear stricken, her eyes were haunted, but her arms were comforting.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."

***

"What's the news?" Logan's voice pulled me back to the present as I blinked back the tears.

"Nothing good." I had to look away as tears filled the doctors eyes. "Physically he should heal, but there was silver. I don't know how, but he got large amounts of silver in his blood. We have him on blood dialysis and the silver level is going down, but who knows if the damage is to late to change, only time will tell.

"Can I see him?" I blurted.

"Of course..." I didn't listen to anything else as I ran past the doctor, trying to find his scent.

"Room 6" One of the nurses offered. I walked to the door and took a deep breath before going in. Machines were everywhere, tubes coming out of his arms and mouth. But the worst thing was the hospital smell... more specifically the lack of my Levi's scent.

'Mate" Ivy howled. I stood back studying him.

The blanket was around his chest, which was bare aside from the large bandage on his shoulder and large dark veins coming from the wound the bandage hid. I tried to swallow but the bulge in my throat was to big to get around, and I sobbed as I threw myself to his bed and gently laid my head on his chest, heaving through my tears.

"I love you! I should of said it more" I cried. "I sh...shou...should of..." I broke off unable to even complete the sentence. I just cried, wishing his green eyes would look at me, his strong arms would hold me, and his soft lips would claim mine. But nothing changed... even when everything around us did.

- - - - - -

I was alone... all alone... numb? Maybe... Maybe I just felt to much to feel any one thing. Alone for the past three days, Ivy fading in and out. William stayed with his family, but I think it was more Allie needing her whole family with her than anything. Aria was like her sister, Logan is her brother, and her nephew may be dying. Logan stayed with her. Aaron spent his time with his fathers. I only saw people when I left to see Levi, no one spoke to me. When I looked in the mirror I realized why, I looked terrible. But I left an empty bed, only to come back to one. Leo hadn't spoken or talked to me. I missed Levi, but I missed Leo more, perhaps its because he is choosing to not see or talk to me. I fought food down, and wore my magic to the bone trying to heal Levi... I tried every day, nothing changed in the regards that it didn't work.

I had to say goodbye to Grams without Leo, and Irene had to leave with her body, to be buried next to my mothers. She offered for me to come, but she knew as well as I did I couldn't leave Levi. I curled into my pillow mates, the TV played but I generally zoned out, it just filled the silence. Pulling both of my pillow mates closer I tried to imagine heat radiating from them, as it would with my real mates. Part of me knew the human shaped pillows wearing my mates clothes was childish, but the rest of me found comfort in it, and I needed that more than anything. Alone... all alone....

I angrily wiped at the tears that started coming down my face, and looked at the two blue buttons I used for eyes on my Leo Pillow's face wishing they could show me love and care, I turned away and pulled it close to my chest as I sobbed.

"I'm sorry, so sorr sorry." I hiccuped. " I miss you, Goddess I miss you both so much." My silent prayers I vowed to quit kept popping in my head, but I couldn't voice any of them as I cried. I noticed the cool air on my cheeks and looked up at the door. I wiped my tears quickly as Leo stared down at me. He looked absolutely crushed. 100's of things ran though my mind, none of the them comforting. I wanted his comfort, but didn't dare reach for it.