Oops, Were Dads' • Phan

An Unexpected Arrival

"Phil! What are you doing?" I exclaimed.

"We can't just leave it!" Phil retorted back as he quickly scooped up the child and cradled it in his arms. "Oh dear, you're ice cold." Phil thought for a moment before carefully unzipping his jacket and lifting up the hem of his shirt, stuffing the baby in with its head poking out of the collar so it can breath and pressing it against his skin, then finally zipping his jacket up for good measure. The baby continued to make weak strangling noises, which concerned me deeply, but seemed to calm down a bit once it was settled in Phil's warmth. "There," He said softly. "That's better, yeah?" Phil continued to look down at the baby, almost transfixed, when he finally looked up at me. "We should take it home, get it warmed up." He stated it as if he were simply suggesting picking up a carton of milk.

A disbelieving laugh escaped my throat. "I'm sorry, take it home? Phil, this isn't a stray puppy; this," I pointed at the little head peeking out of Phil's shirt for emphasis. "This is a fucking human child. What are we going to do? Get a cage and a litter box?"

Phil looked affronted. "I was thinking more like a heated blanket and some diapers." After a moment's pause, he added "And probably some baby formula too. Heaven knows how long it's been since the last time it's eaten."

"And where is it supposed to sleep?" I continued.

"In my room, silly." Phil chastised like I'm the one acting utterly insane.

"Phil-"

"I know what this is, Dan. I may be a bit dense sometimes but I'm not completely dimwitted-"

I scoffed.

Phil scowled. "Point being, Dan, we can't just leave him, or her, in a dumpster to freeze to death! I don't think I could live with myself if I did..."

I sighed, squeezing the bridge of my nose between my fingers. "I know, Phil. I'm not saying that at all. We should bring it to a hospital. You know, a place where professionals know what the hell they're doing? Unlike two idiots with fringes where one can't even keep his plants alive for more than a few months."

"Hey!" He practically squawked. "The house plants are doing just fine, thank you very much."

"I had to trash the Arrow Head plant just last week!"

"You threw away Belinda!?"

"Her carcass was smelling up the house, Phil."

Phil huffed out a disgruntled harrumph and blushed. "But I-"

Could this guy be any more persistent? "No, Phil. That's my final answer."

"No, Dan, you don't- you... You don't...." Phil stuttered, looking everywhere as if in search for an answer. I couldn't help but raise a skeptical eyebrow.

"I don't what, Phil?"

Phil's shoulders sagged and his face grew grim. "If we give it to a hospital, how are we supposed to make sure it's okay?"

"Phil, the hospital people will do that. I'm sure they deal with babies all the time."

"But we won't be there, Dan." Phil persisted.

"Mate, what's gotten into you? What do you have against hospitals?"

"I don't have anything against hospitals!" Phil exasperated.

"Then what the hell are you-"

"We can't abandon it again!" He interjected, and to my surprise tears began to roll down his face, a look of hurt plastered on his features and a flare set within those normally cool blue eyes.

The shock and confusion must have shown on my face because Phil's face softened just slightly, and he looked away. "Phil... We didn't abandon it..."

"Somebody did." His voice was low and rough, a very un-Phil thing to do. Everything about this moment was very un-Phil.

Surely Phil couldn't be serious about this? Taking in a baby? Hell, I could hardly take care of my own brother the times I babysat! And does Phil even have any experience with children? After all, he was the youngest. How would he know anything about kids let alone infants?

And yet... Why am I considering this? Perhaps it was the way Phil held the child protectively against his chest, hand placed gently over its fragile head as a shield against the cold wind.

Or maybe it was the way he looked at me, eyes hard-set and brimming with tears, but a spark in them nonetheless.

Maybe it was all that and more.

A long sigh escaped my lips. "Okay."

The idiot blinked. "Okay?"

"Okay." I repeated. "We'll take it in. For now." I put on my best 'Serious Dan' face and pointed my finger at him for emphases. "But only for tonight. Tomorrow, we take it to a hospital, and let the professionals take care of it. Deal?"

Phil narrowed his eyes. "Two days."

"Are you seriously negotiating a baby with me!?" I said exasperatedly.

Phil simply shrugged his shoulders.

A disbelieving snort escaped my throat. "You've got to be fucking- okay. Fine. Two days. But if the kid so much as sneezes, sniffles, or shows any sign of sickly nature, we're taking it immediately to the hospital. No 'buts', no excuses."

With a nod of finality, Phil hummed in agreement.

"Good. Now get the hell out of the trash before you start smelling like one."

"Takes one to know one."

"Oh hardy-har-har."

___________

A/N

I can't believe I finished this chapter! I honestly never thought it would get done.

In all honesty guys, I'm writing this because there aren't enough Parent!Phan Fics in the world and there seriously need to be. It's not going to be very long, I estimate maybe 5 chapters at most? But nonetheless I feel as though it needed to be done and I only hope that those who come across it will have their hearts fulfilled.

I'll update whenever I have time, which isn't often, so just know that updates will take a while!

Thanks for reading! Xoxo