Lost In Time (an Ed Sheeran fan-fiction)

Chapter 15: Unexpected Goodbye

            Maddiosn's P.O.V.

I will admitt, I really havnt been myself since Ed and I got sent to the hospital. No matter what Ed said I knew the accident was all my fault. If it wasnt for me distracting him from driving by talking to him, We would both be fine and none of this would have ever happened. So many things are going through my head at one time. After we got back from the hospital Ed went straight to bed because the doctors gave him a medecine that would make him tired. There are all these little voices inside my head saying 'Its all your fault' 'Why would you do this to him' 'This wouldnt have happened if it wasnt for you'. They were eating me from the inside out. I didnt know what to do. 

     This isnt the first time i have been hearing these voices. I have been hearing then since about three weeks ago. I have been trying to drown out the voices with some music, but it is just not working for me anymore. I feel like they are taking over me. Im just useless. Un needed. Unwanted. I have no purpose. My parents are gone, all the family I have ever known is gone. There is a maniac out there somewhere ready to kill me (a.k.a Dean), and I almost killed the guy I care about the most. Whats the point anymore.

         Ed's P.O.V.

As soon as I got home from the hospital, I went to sleep, already feeling extreamly drowsy from the medecine. I went to sleep thinking about Maddison, and how special she is to me. But I am still very worried about her. 

   I woke up at about 3:00 in the morning, hearing extreamly loud sobs. I think it was Maddison. I sprang out of bed instantaniously and searched for where the sobbing was coming from. It was coming from the bathroom. "Maddison?" I said quietly. No response, just more sobbing. I knocked on the door. Once I went to knock again, she slung the door open. There she was, tears streaming down her face, and a knife in her hand. What was she planing to do. "Maddison, Put down the knife and tell me whats wrong.' I said in my softest voice possible. She didnt obey, she just took a few steps towards me. 

  "You know what Ed? I dont think i can do that." 

"please.' I said quietly, hoping she would hear the pleade in my voice. 

"No. No. No. NO NO NONONO!' She started screaming, snd she was scaring me. 

"GET OUT OF MY HEAD!" She yelled, and I had no idea what she was talking about, or what to do. 

"Ed, do you know how many knights I have fucking suffered from this shit. Everything that hapened to you was my fault. It was my fault we got locked in that warehouse, it was my fault we got in a crash! Im just a burden to your life!" 

"No your not dont say that! You are the best thing that has ever happened to me, believe it or not. And you are being way to hard on yourself for things that your coudlnt control. Nothing that has happened to us has been you fault. Now please just put the knife down." I said trying to calm her down. But she just continued.

" You know what Ed? You will never understand. You will never know what its like to loose you family, have someone constantly beating you day and night. You think you know and you dont. I dont even know what to do anymore. The world would be a much better place without me here and you and me both know i-'

"THATS NOT TRUE PLEASE MADDISON DONT DO ANYTHING YOU WILL REGRET!" I yelled as she began to raise the knife in her hand. 

"Im sorry, Im so so sorry." She said softly, befor she did the thing i least accpected. She plunged the knife straight into her stomatch, and again, and again. 

"NOOOO!!!" I screamed, tears rushing down my cheeks. I knelt down beside he bleeding body and held her in my arms. She was still breathing. And I quickly rushed to find the nearest phone I could find, and I called an ambulance. I cant believe she would do this to herself. I dont know what to think anymore. The world is slowly shutting out around me, and my breathing is becoming heavier by the minute. In the matter of no time the ambulence showed up, and took her lifeless body into it. I rode into the ambulance with her, and answered some questions that some of the paramedics had to ask. 

  They rushed her into the hospital, and I rushed along with them until they entered a room I wasnt aloud to go itno. After about 15 or 20 minutes I heard a long beep. And I already knew exactly what it meant, but I didnt want to believe it. One of the doctor came out of the room, pulling off his blood covered gloves. He walked over to me and asked me to sit, while putting a hand on my shoulder in the process. 

"Listen. Im sorry to tell you that, Maddison didnt make it." 

I knew the truth but it was all so hard to take in. She was gone. She had killed herself, right infront of me. I fell to my knees and began to cry. alot. The doctor but a hand on my back, trying to soothe me but it just wasnt working. Nothing could have prepaired me for this. I dont think I have ever been this upset in my life. I dont even know what to do anymore. I will never feel the same now that she is gone, and going back to the place where it happened isnt going to help either. 

"Sir I think you need to go home." The docrtor said to me in the most polite way possible. I dont know how I could possibly manage to go back to that place with what I just witnessed there. My love was gone. Gone. No more having her in my arms, no more crazy water fights. There is no more purpose. 

I pull up to the dreaded house. I walk into the front door, and there is blood still lying on the floor. And i looked beyond that, into the bathroom, and found a not that read..Dear Ed. I walked over the blood, into the bathroom, and picked up the note, and read it to myself, even though there was no one else in the house. It read, 

                  Dear Ed,

By the time you read this, I will be gone. I know you didnt plan on losing me this way, but I know it is for the best. I want you to move on from me. I wrote this note about a month after you were in the hospital, still in a coma. I planned this whole day out and everything. The voices telling me that everything that has happened to you was my fault were just killing me, and this was the only way to stop them. I dont want you to dread over me, I want you to live a perfect life, and there is no way you could have done that with me in it. I know you probubly wouldnt agree with that, but I know what I did was for the best. Im sorry I had to leave this way. 

        Sincerely, 

       Maddison. 

I read her neat handwriting over and over again, untill everything finally sunk in. Its going to be hard getting over her, but I will try my best, for her. I know she wouldnt want me  to sit here miserable the rest of my life. Although I cant get over her at the moment, it will happen sooner or later. 

                         ~ 1 Year Later~

I have decided to get a new house. Start a new life. I have spent the past year sitting in that house crying myself to sleep everynight over Maddison, and I know if she were here she woldnt want that. Today was the day I was moving. I have already bought a new flat in Manchester, and Im ready to start fresh. Today is the start of a new beggining. I proceed to pack all my boxes into the moving van, making sure I get every last one.

After I double check to make sure I got everything, I walked to the door, one last time. I turned around and breathed in the scent of the house. The smell of air freshener lingering in the air. I take a glance towards the bathroom, trying not to cry. 

"So I guess this is goodbye." I say to myself, as Im just about to walk out the door. 

"Goodbye Maddison." I then proceeded to walk out the door, not looking back.