Mixed Up (Joshler <3)

Chapter One

~Tyler's POV~

"Please Chris... think it over," I pleaded as he continued to throw his shirts into the black duffel bag; the one I had bought him for our five month anniversary.

Crushed.

"No, my mind's made up, Tyler," he says with a stern and aggravated tone, making more tears slide down my warm cheeks. Out of frustration I grab the bag and yank it away, spilling some of his clothes out as I realize he hasn't even given me an explanation.

"Why?!" I yell with tear stained cheeks and gritted teeth, making him look at me in disbelief.

"Why? Because you're so fucking clingy and sensitive I never know how to help. You're so oblivious to everyone and everything and I just can't handle it anymore!" he retaliated as he walks behind me, picking up his bag along with the stray pieces of clothing and stuffs them back in. I stand in shock before sitting on the edge of my bed and collapse my head in my hands.

"Goodbye, Tyler," he whispered before slamming the door shut, causing the picture frames on the wall to shake. I continue to sit there, crying quietly. A few minutes pass and I hear his car engine start and the tires squeal.

As the sound became more distant, I let everything out. Screaming and crying I thrash my arms out, throwing pillows, tearing at the sheets, eventually giving up and falling to the floor. I sit there, letting every goddammed memory play in my head. My legs weakly hold my body up as I stumble to the bathroom, taking my shirt off and throwing it somewhere. I reach under my sink and feel around until I feel the edge of a piece of tape. When I pull it, a razor falls down next to my feet.  

Every word he's said repeats in my head as I flick the floppy piece of metal between my fingers.

"I love you."

"I'll never leave you."

"I'm falling for you."

I take the razor and slide it across my veins. The red pops up and a faded smile appears on my face. God, did I miss this. The words repeat as more blood appears, digging the metal deeper the more blood there was... until my vision began to get blurry and my head was fuzzy, the razor sliding out of my grip and dropped onto the tiled floor with a sharp sound, causing me to wince. I collapse next to the bathtub and slowly fade out of consciousness as my wrist lay there, dripping into a red puddle of unlovable.

***

I wake up slowly to a sharp pain in my wrist, causing me to wince again. I slowly stretch my legs, groaning as they cramp from – I'm guessing – a few hours of sleeping in a corner. I carefully get up, avoiding the puddle of blood and grab a wash cloth, cleaning the floor. I then wash my wrist under warm water and dry it, putting a bandage over it and throw a long-sleeved Metallica shirt on. I walk into the bedroom, too sleepy to care before laying on the bed and check my phone, reading the time: 2:37 AM. I throw it somewhere in the entanglement of sheets and blankets as I lay back down, attempting to sleep... only I don't feel it washing over me.

Flashbacks of my childhood are set in play: how I used to go outside all day and play basketball, be happy. Then high school came and I isolated myself. Depression hit me out of nowhere anxiety wanted to join the party.

Then the memories skipped a few scenes until they ended up on Chris; how we always laughed at each others stupid jokes, how we said, "I love you" at the same time for the first time in a grocery store line.

I sigh and wipe the fallen tears as I turn on my side, only to be met with a frame that held a picture of Chris and I at the zoo for our one year anniversary. We were kissing in front of the penguin exhibit. I felt another tear fall down, soaking a minuscule spot on the pillow that Chris and I once shared. I trace the new red line of weakness, making more tiny wet spots appear.

***

My eyes are slow to open fully from the crying and lack of sleep. I grab my phone and squint at the time.

9:50 AM.

I groan as the pain in my wrist is still there. I continue to ignore everyone's texts and emails as I throw it somewhere again and decide life is just not worth going on for without Chris. 

**3 days later: Friday**

I decide to finally get up after four days of moping around; crying and pitying myself just isn't doing it for me anymore, it's not worth it. I take a long shower, washing every inch of my body softly and savor the warm water hitting my neck and back. I get out and put some skinny jeans on and another long sleeve shirt. I look in the mirror and try not to look at myself too much as I fix my hair and brush my teeth.

As I walk out to the living room, I smash all of the picture frames of Chris and I first, then cleaned the rest of my small apartment of any memory of him. I cut all the bears and cut all of his shirts he gave me. When I think I'm finished, I take my anti-depressants and decide to go get coffee and food, since not eating for four days isn't exactly healthy.

***

I grab my muffin and coffee and quickly sit down, sick of all the eyes staring at me. I sit in the same table I always do in the corner that perfectly looks out onto the rainy streets of Ohio. I pick at my muffin, eating small crumbs before looking out of the window and my eyes gaze to all the places Chris and I traveled to together... when we were happy.

I hurriedly wipe the tear that escaped my eye before my attention is caught by the sound of the chair across from me being pulled out and is now accompanied by a purple-haired male. I look at him and my hands begin to tremble as I look back down at my muffin.

"H-Hey. Saw you sitting here alone and sad and I just wanted to see if you were okay..."

The words leave his lips like honey, his deep, soft voice spoke with so much concern.

But I knew it was all fake.

I search for words but instead end up choking on anxiety that is building up like mucus in my throat, so I just nod. I try and take a sip of my coffee, but when I try and pick it up, my hands twitch too much and I'm afraid I'll spill some on myself and he'll leave.

I look at him and notice his beautiful mocha eyes staring at me, causing my gaze to go back to my hands in my lap. So he spoke again.

"I-I'm sorry if I come off in the wrong. My name's Josh Dun." He reaches a calloused hand across the table and I accompany it with mine, shaking it slightly before I retract my hand.

"I-I'm T-Tyler Joseph," I choke out, blushing darkly and looking down again

"Well, Tyler, wanna talk about what's going through that beautiful mind of yours?"

And so I did.

WHOOPS I RELEASED IT EARLY OOPS SORRY I HOPE YOU ENJOY IT!