If I'm Louder (Niall Horan Love Story)

Chapter One Hundred: Our Last Night

     Louis' POV

     I looked around at everybody. I couldn't even make eye contact with Zayn or Niall without bursting into tears. My heart was shaking. So many thought were running through my mind. I looked at our little girl with a smile. Then, my smile turned into a frown. I started replaying all our memories inside my head. My sadness turned into anger. I remembered the day we got mobbed by the paps and the name one of those b******* called _____. I remembered all the hate she'd get on Twitter, the way some fans used to treat her in the public. It got my blood boiling. No one and I mean no one will dare lay a hand on _____ as long as I'm alive. She gets another piece of s*** thrown at her, I will personally fly over to Bradford myself and beat the living hell out of whoever gets in her way. I needed to calm myself own before I said something stupid. I remembered the happy thoughts. The way I greeted her when she came into our flat the first day. I remember being all hyper and bubbly because I was excited to meet a new friend. But she's not a friend. She's our treasure. She's everything we need. She's smart, funny, kind, intelligent and just a genuine girl really. I tried speaking as little as possible. _____ knew me as the funny one. I don't want her to remember me being upset when she leaves. "I know that we won't forget you." I said adding onto Liam's words. Her head turned towards me. Her face was red. I swallowed back my tears. I refused to let her see me cry. "_____, I know you know us as the five stupid, immature boys and such, but really... We're much more than that. I know we don't really show the emotional side of us but we really do love you like everyone here is saying.... It's like.... Kind of crazy. The thought of you going home is sort of mad to be honest. Like we've spent so much time together within a couple of months and now... It's just...." I stopped myself. I didn't know what I was saying or where I was going with this. I couldn't do it anymore. I tried my best. ______ looked at me with sad eyes. I chuckled to myself and took a deep breath. "I just wanna... Ya know... Push a button and rewind." Everyone nodded. No. This couldn't be happening. _____ couldn't be leaving us. I can't say goodbye to her I just can't.

     Zayn's POV

      I refuse to speak. If anything, I'd speak with her in private tonight. If I'm going to cry, I'd rather cry only in front of her and no one else. This is a nightmare. An absolute nightmare. My best friend. My baby girl. My life. My love. My everything is leaving tomorrow morning. I started denying it in my head. I started blaming myself for all the terrible things that has happened to her this summer. I blame myself for the hate she gets. I blame myself for Perrie treating her that way. I blame myself for all the reasons she might have been sad these past couple months. It's all my fault. I wasn't good enough to her. I wasn't there for her. I started mentally beating myself up. I'm letting my thoughts get to me. I feel my body temperature rising. Am I making myself sick? I put my hand to my bare chest from under my shirt. I felt my heart going. My body heat was rising by the second. No. No. No. No. No. No. She can't leave. She cannot do it. I lost her once and I'm not gonna lose her again. Zayn, you're so stupid! Why did you do this? Why did you bring her here?! Didn't you know that when she would leave that it would put you and the others into a depression? You're so so stupid! Why did you do this?! Oh my God, _____ is leaving. She's f****** leaving! Zayn, why?! Why did you do this?! Why did you put yourself through this?! I can't even look at her. I've been through so much with her and now I have to say goodbye to her again?! No. I've said goodbye to her too many times in my life and I cannot and I mean cannot do it again. No. "We had the best time but now it's worst time." I said under my breath. I don't think anyone heard me. Thought kept running through my head. I couldn't take it anymore. I cracked. "_____, you're not leaving okay? You're staying here with me. I don't care. _____, I lost you once and I'm not gonna lose you again. You know how difficult it is to say goodbye to you? God, you're my life and you're leaving? No. You're not going anywhere. You're staying right here!" I practically screamed. Everyone jumped and looked at me like I was crazy. Was I crazy? Am I going mad? I saw everyone's expressions and saw they were shocked. Did I really just open my mouth? Of course I did. _____ looked at me and I killed her. I killed her inside. I'm sorry I even said anything. I was turning angry. "I'm sorry..." I apologized immediately after I realized what I had done. All she did was nod. Everyone else continued staring at me. Tomorrow morning I will have to say goodbye to the number one thing in my life whether I liked it or not. I was killing myself emotionally. In my head, I was crying hysterically. Raging, destroying everything that came in my path. I was drowning myself in my own tears. This is a living nightmare. A living hell. And I can't escape from it.