The Art of Abandonment

Cracks - June 19, 2016

June 19, 2016

Dear Haley,

Back in January, you ended our ten-year friendship with a letter. You abandoned me without any warning, and I have spent the past six months trying to do the same. This is going to be my way of abandoning you.

Let's get something straight. You were the very first best friend that I had ever gained. I have been bullied in school by the same kids my entire life and you were there for me. You weren't like them, and that's why I put every ounce of my trust in you. I was bullied for being a nerd. You looked up to me for it. I was bullied for being too ugly. You thought I was incredibly beautiful. I was bullied for being too quiet. You let me say what I wanted to say. I was bullied for being myself. You always said you wanted to be like me.

For almost five years, our friendship was smooth, mutual, and indestructible.

I truly believe that the first crack in our concrete bridge appeared the day that I met Will. I was eleven, you were ten. We were sitting on the swings under that old oak, watching as a boy we hadn't seen before was dropped off at their porch. We both thought that he was cute and we argued for a few minutes before you got up and left me under that tree. You went down and asked Will's mom if you could play with the kids with no mention of me.

I was invited by Will's mom because she felt bad that I was alone up there.

The two boys, Justin and Will, invited us into their "secret lair" underneath of the back porch to hang out. While you were hanging on Justin's arm, I got the chance to talk to Will and understand that I was wrong in arguing with you over who would get to have Justin as their boyfriend (though neither of us ever did). I liked Will ten times better than Justin.

Will and I went out for a few months before splitting up over something so stupid that I can't even remember what it was. A year later, you told me that you liked Will since that day and that I stole him from you.

That was the second crack in the concrete.

Then, it mattered so much to me. Now, it feels so insignificant.

Obviously it wasn't up to either of us. I couldn't have stolen him from you because he decided that he liked me ten times better than you. To this day, he still does.

Those were the first few cracks, but boys were undoubtedly bound to become the first jackhammer. While having a boyfriend was always a crutch for you, I never needed one to completely hold me up. To this day, you still need a boyfriend to justify your very existence. I realize now how insecure you are and always have been and I'm sorry I never noticed it.

Your former best friend,

Brooke