Everlong

shadowhunterbyday

My eyes are wide and bright. The color from the flashing and street lights are reflecting onto my clothes and the rest of me. I hold my hands out in front of me and look at them like I have an extra few.

"Oh hey, stranger, get back here, you're out of it" the Westerner says from behind me.

She runs up to me on the sidewalk, dodging the people, and puts her hand on my shoulder. 

"it's pretty nice out. I'm happy you called me and told me that you'd be around town"

I turn to her. That isn't the Westerner. And I'm not in her area. I close my eyes, rub them, and open them again. I'm in a gas station in 'God Only Knows Where'. Tonight, I'll be the man who takes a tuna sandwich, gas station sushi and the last unsweetened iced tea. I find the person who I was having a small 'accidental conversation' with. I say I'm sorry, and that I am really tired. I look at the floor. He laughs. 

I run out to my car that I rented. It's taken about 8 days to get me a car. I close the door, put the key in the ignition and start it. The radio comes on, very faint, with Paradise City by Guns N' Roses playing. Right now, this car is 'paradise'; although there's no other place I could imagine being right at the moment. I lean forward in my seat, arch my back and put my head against the headrest. I then lean back up, put a hand on the steering wheel and put the car into reverse to back it out of the spot I'm very poorly parked in. 

I drive out of the parking lot, look both ways of course, and pull into the street. There's no one here, just me, my thoughts, my car and Axl Rose. The song, which I had turned up, dominates the noise of my car and the road. Things are better this way. I'm headed back to the hotel, with tuna sandwich, sushi and expired unsweetened iced-tea in tow. 

My phone vibrates. I couldn't hear it ring, my music was too loud. I turn down the music and glance at my phone. It's the Saint. I haven't talked to her in years. I close my eyes, take a deep breath , accept the call and put my phone up against my ear. 

Silence.

"Uh, hello?" I say, groggily.

She immediately responds. "Hey, I just wanted to check in on you. I just saw you at the gas station. I was there with a few of my friends. I'm sorry I didn't say anything to yo, you looked kind of out of it"

I look around. Do I dare ask where I am? I won't.

"It's really no issue. I'm sorry I didn't see you. Too much on my mind, ya know?" I respond.

"No problem, fam. But how are you doing, other than having a cloudy mind?"

"Could be much better, honestly. Much rather be sleeping, too. It's too late. Or at least it feels like it. And you?"

"Awake and aware, my friend. You know I never sleep. You've known me for years"

"Well, you're not wrong." I say, with a slight laugh.

"Well, let me know if you need anything tonight, or whenever. I'm always around. Sorry for calling you at this time. I'll let you go."

"Okay, will do." I say, half sighing. 

She hangs up right after I finish. I haven't talked to her in a while. Just the thought of seeing her after this long throws me. I'm glad she cares as much as I do, I guess. I can't and hopefully won't worry about her also tonight, because her charismatic laugh reflects her mood. She's fine tonight.