Tiny Moments

11: I'm Okay

Anna's POV

I hang up the phone with a shakily hand. I glance at my daughter who was happily enjoying a Disney movie.

Laughing and smiling, she looked like she was coming out of her shell.

"Abby?" I call.

"What?" she says.

"Hey, it's time for bed," I say walking over to her.

"Okay," she says with outstretched arms. I carefully lift her out of her bundle of blankets. She lays her head on my shoulder while we climb the mountain of stairs.

My thoughts race through my brain only to be quieted by the soft sound of Abby's slowed breath.

"Hey, Ab? Abby? Wake up you need to get in your pajamas and brush your teeth," I whisper in her ear. She moans but her eyes slowly open.

Yawning I set her on the bed. First I change her diaper then her clothes.

I lift her on the counter and help her brush her teeth.

Then I tuck her in and kiss her goodnight.

"Momma?" She asks.

"Yeah?" I stop at her door.

"Can you sing?" She asks through a yawn.

"What would you like me to sing, Darling?" I say sitting on the end of her twin bed.

"Can you sing my song?" She asks.

"Yes, ready?" I ask.

"Yeah," she says snuggling deeper in the blankets.

"I guess you really did it this time
Left yourself in your warpath
Lost your balance on a tightrope
Lost your mind tryin' to get it back
Wasn't it easier in your lunchbox days?
Always a bigger bed to crawl into
Wasn't it beautiful when you believed in everything?
And everybody believed in you?
It's alright, just wait and see
Your string of lights is still bright to me
Oh, who you are is not where you've been
You're still an innocent
You're still an innocent," I sing, as her eyes slowly fall. Snuggled deep in her blankets, curled in a ball.

I quietly turn the knob on her door to shut it. Quietly and quickly I head downstairs to watch TV for a few hours before going to bed.

••••

"Abby?" I shake her.

"What?" She jumps awake.

"Hey, are you okay? You were shaking and yelling in your sleep," I say.

"It's okay, it happens a lot," she says.

"Wanna talk about it?" I ask.

"No, I'm okay," she blurts out.

"You sure?" I ask.

"Can I sleep with you?" She says tiredly.

"Yeah, I guess so," I lift her in my arms and walk back to my room.

"Here, you sleep here," I lay her on the opposite side of the bed.

"Okay," she lays down pulling the sheets.

"Alright, now sleep well," I say laying down next to her.

"Anna?" She asks.

"Yes?" I face her.

"I can't sleep," she says.

"Can you try?" I ask.

"No, I don't wanna go back," she trembles.

"Okay, okay, shh," I say.

"I'm okay," she says shakily.

"Okay?" I ask.

"Yes," she says curling in to my side.

"Okay," I wrap my arms around her tiny composure.

Hours later I still haven't fallen asleep but she did. I was worried about everything.

I knew her legs were getting better, they were only weak from the previous abuse and then the fall. She has just a few weeks to go, two or three depending on how fast she can gain back her strength.

About her body weight that's gonna be a slow process, she was deathly thin now she's only sickly thin. Hopefully soon she'll just be an average size, height probably not. I'm only five foot two so probably not an average there.

Then there's bipolar. With a flip of coin comes a new mood, or at least that's what everyone thinks of it as. I need to find some who can help me understand. Maybe a therapist.

I glance back at Abby. Peacefully snuggled under my arm. Her little chest inhaling deeply, her eyelids slightly moving in her dream, arms wrapped around her, legs pulled up in a ball, and her brown hair in a tattered mess from sleep. Her eyes like her father but the rest is practically a copy of me. I sometimes forget she doesn't know that I'm her birthmother, I remember he once telling me that her birthmother gave her a necklace and her name. I did that and now I need to tell her, but how? Would she get angry? Would her bipolar flip on me?

Anna you need to quiet your brain; I tell myself. I decide to close my eyes and eventfully I fall in a peaceful sleep.

A/n
I'm having a small bit of writers block but not to much to take a break.

And I don't remember who asked me or whatever but CQ means chapter question, it's designed for you guys to answer and sometimes I'll answer it too.

CQ:
Ideas?
Requests?
Suggestions?