Dark Days

Trying to Heal

{Reid's POV} I wanted to talk to her. I wanted to hold her in my arms and make all this hurt go away but I was still so hurt and angry. I just kept working, right through supper and into the twilight. Everyone was in their rooms when I finally made it inside and cleaned up. I went straight to Gracie's room as usual to get her ready for bed. I stop halfway up the stairs. "Rachel, will you tuck me in tonight?"

"Sure baby doll." I peek over the top of the stairs and watch Rachel pick her up and carry her to the room. I sneak up to the door and listen as Rachel put Gracie to bed. "Rachel," she speaks sleepily, "I miss Liam."

"Me too baby girl, me too." I peek through the crack in the door and see her lying there with her arms around Gracie. I feel that familiar feeling, that deep love that I had for her was starting to come back to me. "Is daddy gonna be alright?"

"Yeah, baby. Your daddy will be fine, he's tough."

"Will you two make up?" Rachel didn't answer that question she just scooted down in the bed wrapping Gracie in her arms tighter. "You need to get to sleep little girl."

"I wanna wait till daddy gets here, I have to tell him good night." I open the door and reveal myself. "Oh, hey daddy, good night, I love you." She yawns real big and then passes out. "Sorry," Rachel starts, "It was getting late and she was tired. Hope you don't mind." I didn't say a word; all I could do was stare at her. She drops her head and slides by me to walk out the door. She turns sideways to fit between me and the doorframe and brushed her body against mine. She didn't stop until I grabbed her by the hip and pulled her into me. "I don't want to fight," I whisper, "I need you." She actually smiles before asking me, "Are you going to keep staying in here with Grace or are you going to come back with me?"

"Are you sure you want me back right now?" She nods and then looks down the hallway. "First, I need to apologize to Charlie. I was way out of line the way I talked to him." I let her by and she walks to Charlie's room as I went in and lay on the bed next to Gracie. Rachel didn't come back and I could feel all my limbs getting heavy as my eyes fall shut.

Gracie woke me with a loud good morning right in my ear. I got her dressed and we headed downstairs. The entire place was silent until I heard Charlie's heavy footsteps coming down the stairs behind me. I turn to see him still half asleep. "Did you talk to Rachel last night?" I ask him, "She wanted to apologize to you." He shakes his head. "Well, what happened? You guys cool now?" He shrugs. "Charlie, talk to me."

"We talked, I forgave her. We started talking and I told her she needed to say goodbye to Liam and she lost it again. We got into another fight and she left my room mad again." I hand him Gracie and walk back up the stairs. I open the door and slide into the room sitting on the bed next to Rachel. "Charlie told me about your conversation," I said, "He didn't mean anything by it. You really should go and say goodbye. You need that closure." She sits up and stares at me. "What exactly did he tell you?"

"Just that you two made up and he suggested that you visit Liam's grave and say goodbye and you lost it."

"Hmmm," she snorted, "Is that all he told you?" I nod. "Figures and you believe him?"

"Why wouldn't I?"

"Just leave me alone Reid. I'm not ready for that closure yet, let's just leave it at that okay? I don't want to talk anymore." {End Reid's POV}

Another week went by without speaking to Reid or Charlie. Another week of solitude locked in that room. Everyone had been by trying to get me outside, trying to get me to do anything besides lay in that bed. "Hey woman," Conner blurts out as he burst in through the door, "You just gonna keep yourself locked away forever?" I look over at him angrily. "Yeah Conner, what do I got outside this room?"

"You do realize if you get off your ass and make up with the Sheriff you two can probably make another baby, don't you?"

"Another baby isn't going to change the fact that Liam's gone, another baby won't take his place. It won't be the same." Conner wraps his arm around me.

"Didn't say it would change anything, or it would take his place but you still gotta move on. You gotta say goodbye to Liam and move on because you're still alive."

"What if I wasn't," I ask looking down at the blanket covering my lap, "If I wasn't still alive, then I could be with Liam."

"What the hell woman?" Conner turns to look at me lifting my chin so I was looking into his eyes, "Please tell me you ain't thinkin' of doin' somethin' stupid? You're the only friend I got, you ain't leavin' me sweet cheeks." I pull my head out of his grip and look back down at my blanket. "No Conner," I say flatly, "I'm not going to do anything stupid. I promise I won't leave you." He kisses me on top of my head before standing.

"Good, now get your ass up and get outside." I watch him leave the room as I pull my knife from under my pillow. I hold it against my skin and stare at it. I tilt it up a little and see my reflection in the blade. I look a mess. My hair was matted on top of my head, my eyes were puffy and red, and tear streaks down my face. I didn't want to lie to Conner but I wasn't so sure I wanted to stay here either. My choice seemed so clear right now.

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