Fate (part I): Fragments of Memory

Prologue

It is with a kind of fear that I begin to write the history of my life. I have, as it were, a superstitious hesitation in lifting the veil that clings about my childhood like a golden mist. The task of writing an autobiography is a difficult one. When I try to classify my earliest impressions, I find that fact and fancy look alike across the years that link the past with the present. The young man paints the child's experiences in his own fantasy. A few impressions stand out vividly from the first years of my life. Besides, many of the joys and sorrows of childhood have lost their poignancy; and many incidents of vital importance in my early education have been forgotten in the excitement of great discoveries. In order, therefore, not to be tedious I shall try to present in a series of sketches only the episodes that seem to me to be the most interesting and important. Details matter but memory is limited.

Therefore, I presume; After all these years that passed in my life , I still didn't found what I truly desire. Nevertheless , I still don't know what I desire. Everyone hopes to get a happy life or just a normal life, That doesn't mean I didn't live a normal one, my life was normal enough to make me sick of it so much.

Even though I passed through every possible character I could imagine, I was a nerd , a geek , a joke , a bully , being bullied , a special one , a lucky one(...) But all of my characters had a really bad effect on my life, it's either I get what I want with force and I feel sorry for someone, or I act nice and good with people and I get fooled and played by them. YEP ! Life is cruel ! And if you wanna lead a good life , just live according to the first option , that explains why girls are unconsciously stubborn and selfish ('i think' that tough changes that affect their life in puberty makes them so harsh and so overprotective.) But that's just another problem I have to deal with.

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And here on this cloudy day, I found myself sitting on this sad-looking bench like a lonely owl on his big dark tree, with his curious eyes observing everybody fake their faces, as they're playing a lion role in a theater play, but even if they're almighty, no one can be out of misery, they are definitely hiding a thousand face behind that smiling confident mask. And when I just realize that I've been showing everybody my real face, the face of the cute innocent prey whilst those lions hunt me and devour my pride as I watch and encourage them. It's too late, too late to change history, and here I conclude; So let me start telling you about a normal boy's life , a struggle that got nowhere.

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My childhood was the best I could wish for, even though I was silent and unnoticeable , I could really relate a shadow, my unconscious camouflage skills got me so isolated from people , and as you know every little kid wants attention , but I didn't get it, I never got it, I never even asked for it, I just watched how everybody ignored me and blamed myself... Maybe I had to blame "fate" instead, it's the reason I got here after all, yeah that's FATE.

Still, I had many funny moments and unforgettable ones that time. But I was innocent then, way too innocent. My true life began when the accident occurred in my life. But let us not jump to the beginning of the end, as I said, my childhood was awesome and full of good memories that I can't assemble for writing this piece of history. And so, 6th grade finally ended and the very unnoticeable boy that had a crush on the class' idol passed, and changed school to go to a private middle school near home , of course I didn't agree to this choice but I was forced to by my parents. And then I knew that all those fantasies I had about saving the princess of my class from her loneliness, are dwellings of the past. of course, she wasn't lonely; she was known throughout the school, because of her beauty and her excellence in many things, she had many friends, a boy on our class was even her boyfriend for a whole month as I've heard, but in my eyes she was the same lonely shy girl I first saw in the third grade, and I certainly convinced myself ever since that I loved her, but seeing that I was more shy than anyone on that school, I couldn't get myself to acquire her heart. Depression, regret, and self loathing gets in me every time I remember how smooth, caring and innocent my heart was at that time, but as a wise man once said: "It does not do well to dwell on the past and forget to live"; That's why I've decided to transcribe whatever's left of my past in this book.

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Now listen close as I tell you a tale about Fate.

A tale that will make you realize ;

LIFE IS A CURSE.