Under the City Lights

Rest or Rant

The bewildered look on Shannon's face was enough to assure me that my girlfriend was indeed a total lunatic.

"You're joking?"

I shook my head with a look saying 'I wish I was but I wasn't'. She looked between me and Kyle, who was one of our bestest friends. Kyle shook his head most probably out of disbelief and mock humor.

"Honestly Vins, the longer you guys are together the dumber she gets." Kyle told me.

I wasn't sure if he affiliated it with the term 'dumb blonde' but nonetheless, for the first time in a long time, I agreed.

My friends are the best people I can talk to about certain things in my life. They are of the same age as me, and who would be better to understand you but the people of your age experiencing relatable shit in the same fucked up generation that we have today?

Ever since I met them in the university I've grown rather fond of them. They were the ones I eat lunch with, chill with, study with, and things a group of friends usually do and I'm comfortable in their company. I never had to force myself to become someone I'm not just so they could befriend me.

I was gay, but Shannon never felt off about me unlike some stuck up bitches who think that I might like them because generally they are girls and reckon that I might try to seduce or molest them just because.

Example: one time I decided to sit next to a group of sassy girls during a football match because there were no more seats left. I had my hair in a ponytail, I wore my snapback, my shirt was bigger than me, my jeans were a bit baggy, and I wore sneakers. Essentially I dressed up like a guy.

I approached one of the girls near the edge of the bench and was familiar of her because I see her around campus. She was wearing a rather revealing outfit: a cropped tank top and some very short shorts and sandals. I smiled, asking politely if I could sit next to her.

My dear Lord, the girl scrutinized me, probably knew who I was, and slammed her huge handbag on the empty seat and told me, with a lot of sass, that the seat was taken.

She must have thought that I took interest in her because she was supposedly sexy with her get-up.

Dear people, it doesn't mean that when somebody is gay, they—we— are automatically sex offenders.

Being gay doesn't mean we have no respect for people. Being gay doesn't mean we have no standards and the right mindset. Being gay is not a negative factor of one's being. What does our preference on the people we choose to love have to do with how we make our lives?

That is why I am eternally grateful for meeting my best friends because they don't see me that way. They see me as a whole person, not for whether I'm gay or straight.

Kyle found me cool to hangout with because I enjoy doing the things that guys do too. Aside from the girls, of course, we do other things like playing video games, watching action movies, and playing different sports. He was rather excited when he was just getting to know me. I'm like that awesome sister he never had.

So here we all are, the three of us gathered in a round mahogany table in a café not far from the school grounds. We ate lunch here and stayed for a while with some good frappuccinos, talking about my encounter with Natalia the other day.

"I don't get it, why is she attacking me? I've been such a good person to her!" Shannon told the both of us, and she was telling the truth.

My friends have been nothing but good to Natalia, but she kept being that jealous monster towards Shannon even though my best friend would never find that interest in me the way she and my past relationships have.

"It's just because maybe she realized how beautiful you are. Can't blame her." Kyle shrugged suggestively, smiling at Shannon through the straw he was biting.

Shannon's cheeks turned a light pink. "Oh shush, you." She took a sip from her drink, ignoring Kyle's stare. "If I were you, Vins, I wouldn't have gone for a bitch like her. You don't deserve that kind of bullshit."

I laughed. "Why, thank you!" I gave her a hug.

"But I'm not gay, and I'm happy being single." She said with her chin and eyebrows raised, a little sass on the brainy but sly girl who I've come to know as my best friend.

Kyle and I looked at each other, and we both bumped her on either side and she almost dropped her drink. We laughed.

"But seriously, I'm having fun with my one-night stands and no-strings-attached friends. No feelings, no commitments, no pain!" She shared with glee.

"Do you ever plan on being committed, though?" Kyle asked her curiously and I stared at her for the answer.

She stared at the ceiling for a moment and then said, "Nope!" without hesitation.

"I see." Kyle nodded. I did so too.

I bit my lip and thought about what I was supposed to do, not having realized I've already voiced it out when Shannon spoke.

"Break up with her!"

"What?" I said in surprise.

"She's pretty much making your life miserable for the past 6 months, and it's not just you." She looked at me sternly. "In case you forgot, I have been a victim of a dreadful accusation!"

"She has a point."

I made a strange look at Kyle.

"This has been going on for quite awhile now and this isn't healthy." He explained. "I've been through these kinds of girls. Never really ends well."

He shrugged and I thought about it. Is it the right time to let her go?

"But of course we're merely suggesting." Shannon interjected my thoughts. "It's all up to you in the end. I just don't want to be a part of the mess that's there."

The both of them were right. I've been too blind to see the situation we're in. Blinded because of the hope that probably I might be able to change her and that her attitude and perspective in life would become less agitated with my company.

But that's a fairytale wish, and fairytales don't happen in real life.

I found that the best way for me to get through this was to have a talk with Natalia...

Again.

For the umpteenth time.

As I began to reflect at all those moments where I nearly flunked my classes because we've been fighting about useless things, where she's been persuading me to cut a few classes because she wants my company, where she's been so possessive of me it became really suffocating, I realized how unhealthy this relationship really was.

The worse, though, is that her drama was taken to every social media site and she's been backstabbing my best friend for reasons of her own making.

"You know what? Let's not talk about this anymore." I raised both my palms in the air.

"Depressing, isn't it?" Kyle laughed at me.

"Truly." I sighed.

My thoughts of Natalia and I reverted to my dad, and how I even forgot to ask him how he was yesterday and what he and Felicity, my sister, were fighting about.

I didn't share that part with Shannon and Kyle because it would make me feel worse about myself since I felt like an ass going home last night without even saying a word to my father.

I should sort that out first, I decided.