The Kissing Game

Chapter 24

"Why don't you try to fit in?" Axel asked. "I'm not saying you should, but why doesn't it matter to you?"

"Because I like who I am." I was staring at him at this point. "I believe in things that most don't and I don't agree with what most do. Naturally, I don't fit in and I don't care."

"How do you not care?"

"I just don't." I shrugged. "I'm happy with who I am and I make my parents proud. I couldn't care less about what others think."

    Axel didn't say anything for a bit and I stared at him, unable to help it. His eyes were glued to the sky and I studied his features, realizing how close we were. Usually up close people would be less attractive due to their flaws, but I had to admit Axel wasn't. He was somehow beautiful with his sharp but delicate features.

     Suddenly, he looked at me. His eyes were soft, but he looked solemn. The sight made my heart drop and I slid closer, wondering if he needed comfort.

     "I'm jealous of you," Axel said out of nowhere.

    "What?" I said immediately, surprised.

    My eyes went wide and I stared at Axel, unable to comprehend his words. Not in a billion years had I expected to hear them.

     "I've always been jealous of you," Axel repeated, giving me a small smile. "Ever since I saw you in freshman year, I've been jealous. I see how confident you are and how you don't care about what others think, and I get jealous. Confidence is such an attractive thing."

    My heartbeat accelerated at his words. None of them were believable, but he sounded so sincere that I knew he meant them. Somehow, Axel was jealous of me.

    "You're everything anyone could ever want to be," Axel continued. "Smart, beautiful, kind, funny. You have everything, but what stands out is your confidence. It radiates off of you and I don't think you notice this, but you turn heads with it. People are naturally drawn to it."

    "That's a lie," I couldn't help but say. "Everyone hates me."

    "Envy is an ugly thing." His eyes darkened slightly. "Those who want to be you, pretend to hate you."

     His words hit me hard and if I were to be honest, they were incredibly touching. I had never really thought about myself like that. I had always thought I was too opinionated and stubborn. Confident to this point was flattering and seeing Axel look so genuine made me flush.

"I don't know why you're jealous," I said, staring at his blue eyes. "You're confident too. You turn heads too and if I weren't so stubborn I would name some of your decent traits."

"No, Zoey." Axel sighed. "It's all an act. I'm not the confident guy you think I am."

I didn't know what to say. But because it was getting late and we were talking about such deep things, I decided to push on. This was my time to learn more about Axel.

"Then who are you?" I whispered.

"I'm Axel West," he answered. "I'm the guy who got hit by puberty right before high school hard, but will always think of himself as the fat, ugly guy he used to be. I'm the talentless guy who has nothing to be proud of. My parents could care less about me since I'm the middle child and they think I'm useless anyways. I-"

"Stop," I cut in, unable to take it. "Stop putting yourself down. You're none of those things."

"I am Zoey," Axel said exasperatedly. "That's why I can't be confident."

My heart hurt. I hated hearing Axel talk like that because he was so much more than what he thought he was. He was none of those things and I wondered how in the world this guy who everyone thought was arrogant thought he was nothing. It was frustrating and heartbreaking all at once.  

    "I just want to be someone others can like," Axel said quietly. "That's why I try to be the cocky Axel you see at school. People like that Axel. They won't realize what a waste of space he is."

    Unable to take it, I sat up. I moved in front of Axel and grabbed onto his jacket, forcing him to sit up as well. I pulled him close to me so that our faces were near and I made him look at me. Hoping he'd realize I was serious, I forced his attention on me.

    "I like this Axel," I said, serious. "The Axel I've grown to know is someone who is really likeable. You are so much more than what you think. You're funny, smart, sweet, and caring. You're gorgeous and god Axel, I don't know what to say. I just think you're incredible and I don't understand how you don't know that you are. It's unbelievable to think that someone who is so clearly special doesn't realize it."

    "How am I special?" he asked bitterly, staring at me.

    "You're special to me!" I exclaimed.

    The moment those words were out, I blushed. I let go of Axel and looked away, shocked by my words. Embarrassment hit me and I wondered why I said that. Where did that come from?

     "I... Sorry," I said. "But do you understand?"

     Axel didn't say anything, which left me worried. Despite my embarrassment, I forced myself to look at him. And when I did, I was surprised to see that he was wearing an affectionate look.

    "Thank you," he said, grabbing my arms.

    Axel pulled me towards him and he wrapped his arms around me. I hugged him back and snuggled my face into his chest. I wasn't sure if he realized the truth about himself, but I hoped he did. Axel needed to realize he was incredible.

    My cheeks went red at those words and in his arms, I knew what was going on. I did not just care about Axel, but I liked him. It was obvious from the way I had been acting around him and with my outburst, I knew he was special in that way to me. Knowing this would be a problem, I decided to dwell on it later. Right then, I just wanted to enjoy being in his arms.