Go Ask the Wind, or Better Yet, Go Ask Herr Forehead

Chapter 27

welcome back congrats for making it all the way here

Apollo shoved the door open and stumbled into the courthouse bathroom, breathing heavily in frustration. Damn it, damn it all.

It was Monday, and of course the first trial of this week was against Klavier. Of course he looked perfect. Of course Apollo couldn't think straight with him across the courtroom, grinning as he slammed his fist into the wall behind him. Apollo couldn't even remember the verdict, he was sure he'd lost, he probably deserved it. He couldn't stop staring at Klavier the whole time, with widened eyes and what was probably a hurt expression on his face.

Apollo stopped in front of a slightly grimy sink, turning the tap and watching the too-cold water drip out. Klavier had been magnificent. His hair was made of the glossy blonde curls Apollo remembered, the ones he'd loved to run his hands through. His eyes were still blue, narrowing with fire every time Apollo made an objection. He'd been smiling the entire time, regardless of what was happening, mask fixed and nailed onto his face.

Apollo groaned into his hands, splashing the water onto his face. He'd been so close to helping him, so goddamn close to having those lazy Harry Potter marathon days forever. It was so goddamn frustrating for everything to slip away now, for reasons Apollo wasn't even sure he could comprehend. He thought he'd been doing well, he thought he'd been doing fine.

No.

Apollo winced at the water, it was too cold. Either way, he couldn't be bitter now. This was Klavier's decision, and if Klavier didn't like him, that was fine. He was Apollo Justice after all, he could take rejection.

Even if all logic pointed to Klavier loving him back.

He just wished he knew why. He wished he knew why they couldn't be together, when everything seemed like it should work.

Somehow, it felt like more than what Klavier was claiming. Apollo had a feeling, like when he knew to press a witness on a statement in court. After grieving through the weekend, Apollo couldn't help but feel that something was off here. The sunlight-filled dates had been too good to be fake.

And yet... in stark contrast, there was that painful day on Friday, when Klavier had left with a stony I don't love you. Just thinking about it made Apollo want to curl up in a ball and never open his eyes again. He could still remember every feeling as though it was happening all over again: the heat in his eyes, the overpowering feeling of a premature end, the tightness in his bracelet, clothes, everything he was wearing. He'd felt like a stranger in his own body, uncomfortable and hated.

It wasn't like rejection was new to Apollo, he was an orphan, after all. He'd grown up rationalizing that no one wanted him, and that he could be great on his own. Apollo had tried his best, gotten into law school and then gotten an apprenticeship. He'd gone from having no one to having Kristoph, and that'd been nice until it turned out Kristoph was a murderer. Apollo still wasn't sure if a vengeful murderer was better than no one, but he felt sick every time he thought about it.

So, yeah. Being cast aside and abandoned wasn't new, and the feeling wasn't new, but Apollo hadn't felt it in so long that he'd begun to forget it. The Wrights weren't a perfect family, but they were the best Apollo had so far, so screw it. Mr. Wright was improving, and Trucy had liked him from the start. It was good, better than Apollo had ever had it, and he was fine.

Klavier should have been his ticket to being more than that. He'd felt like family from the first moment, teasing and comfortable and honest and who knew what else. Apollo loved him, and he'd wanted nothing more than to help him, just like he'd helped Mr. Wright get his badge back. Klavier meant too much to him, and his rejection hurt too much, taking him back to being a helpless child who no one wanted. It felt so bad that Apollo could almost still feel everything he was wearing cutting into his skin, cuffs and socks and bracelet-