Rupture | Bellamy Blake ² [Discontinued]

❉| prologue

❝united we stand, divided we fall.❞

-aesop, greek storyteller

♛

To: Clarke
One month after you left

NOW THAT YOU'RE GONE, everything has turned to shambles. It's not really a surprise considering what happened at Mount Weather. I don't think you realized what you were leaving behind when you walked away from Bellamy and I. When you walked away from the camp.

Jasper won't talk to Bellamy or even Monty the same way he used to. He seems a bit more lenient with me, but maybe that's because he's seen me suffer all the times he's stopped by Medical for painkillers to treat his constant hangovers. My hands still won't stop shaking every time I try to operate. Even my letters are wobbly. Not that you'll ever read this so you won't see, but whatever. I feel like I need to write this down or I'll explode.

Bellamy and Monty are hurting, they just don't show it on the outside. I only know because of Monty's jumbled words and how Bell seems to fold in on himself when we're alone. Raven made a friend named Gina while working as an engineer, and she's really nice. I'm glad Raven is seemingly adjusting after all she's been through. Don't tell her I know this, but her leg has been bothering her even more than usual lately despite the fact she plays it off. It worries me.

Your mom is training me to be a nurse, but right now a punch or shooting in the range is providing more catharsis than a stethoscope. Some of us have multiple jobs - Monty is both a guard and an engineer - like I'm "too good of a shot" to just be in Medical, according to Kane. He and your mom are becoming more like my parents every day. It's a shame you aren't here- we'd be pretty much sisters.

Why did you leave, Clarke? Why didn't you trust us enough to confide in us? You said you bear it so we don't have to. That was a lie and you knew it. Maybe we'd be better off if you were here. But you aren't, and that's left more on our shoulders than you can even imagine. Turning your back on us and walking away was stupid. I can't deny being angry at you for it. Clarke, I don't even know if you're alive. Do you know how much that's killing me?

I didn't sleep for a week straight after you left. Part of it was nightmares - which still haven't stopped - and part of it was fear for you. For all I knew, you could've been captured the second you walked into those woods. You haven't sent us a sign, a signal, a letter, anything to let us know you're okay.

Bellamy has woken up several times to me trying to sneak out to find you. I guess I'm not as quiet as I used to be with me seeming to knock over everything I touch. The last time, all he did was open his eyes and I broke down. He now sleeps with his arms locked around me so I can't wiggle free.

What do I talk about next? This letter seems too short for all the things I want to say. Bell and I are going well, I guess. We've been pulled closer together due to everything that's happened. A few fights, sure, but nothing too bad. Almost everyone has to share a room because of the lack of living space, so we share one, but I guess you inferred that from before. Gina says we're practically attached at the hip- she's not wrong.

Harper and Monroe are guards as well, so we spend a lot of our time together on the days I'm not in Medical. They may as well be Gina, Raven, and Miller for how much they tease me about Bellamy.

Lincoln is adjusting pretty well. The only problem is that Octavia hates it here in Arkadia. I always hear her begging for them to leave, but Lincoln never budges. I think he enjoys what peace we have. He's been teaching me Trigedasleng whenever he can, sometimes using visuals to help me learn. When he drew a passage in the dirt with a stick and said, "gouthru," I had felt like a child, but it worked.

I just want to know you're okay. To see your face for even just a second and know you're alive. Having you away from me after spending so much time together on the ground is like missing a kidney- I can function without you, but it comes with a price.

Please come home, Clarke. I'm counting the days.

-Fallon

------

hello kids welcome to Suffering Land™

(:

-kristyn