Cat Fight In The Kitchen-Wattpad Rant

Hospital Scenes

I have no idea who taught him how to help people walk, but lemme tell ya he was holding on to something that wasn't my arm if you catch my drift. Which was just...more than awkward. It's so easy to feel violated in a hospital. So easy.

Anyway, they threw me in this room, gave me this lovely gown and told me to change. Only problem was that there were two beds in the room and one of them was occupied by a very strange, very opinionated old woman.

I'll admit, I'm a very private person. I don't even wear shorts in public, because they don't sell ones that I deem the appropriate length. So you can probably imagine my horror at having to change in front of people.

Obviously I had another meltdown. I got unreasonably angry at my best friend and decided that he could not look at me or help me for whatever reason. I did the whole "don't look. Close your eyes. Cover them. Both hands," thing with him. Yeah, he looked like an idiot covering his eyes with both hands. Like he was five and scared that I had cooties (and it was all because of me!)

But that old woman watched me the entire time. I was very incoherently trying to shove my naked self into this impossibly thin gown with her just gawking at my struggle. It wasn't like I could tell her to look away (although I was in a bitchy mood). And to make matters worse, a nurse just charged in and asked if I need help. No. I need privacy lady. Privacy. And I was pretty sure that it was going to lead to another one of those "that's not my arm" incidents anyway.

I won't even mention all the people that were walking down the hall, casually glancing into the room to see me sitting, half dressed, trying desperately to hold on to what little modestly I had left.

Naturally there was also a meltdown that stemmed from me trying to bury my underwear in my pile of clothes so the doctors and nurses wouldn't see. I'm not sure why my best friend was feeling so brave after all the horribly mean things I'd been saying and doing to him, but he for some reason thought it would be comforting to tell me: "Come on, really? They see way more that that everyday."

Poor boy. So dumb. So dumb. He should have saw the threat coming. He should have known I was going to threaten him with bodily harm.

Fortunately once that got over with the rest went fairly smoothly.

They let a new nurse do my IV (which kind of made me go through my panic again when she didn't get it the first time). Then I threatened to strangle my best friend with my IV cord because he offered to get me something to drink.

After about an hour of hearing the old woman talk about how my best friend and I were "sinners" and going to Hell for not being within the bonds of matrimony, she fell asleep. So I threatened to sell his soul to her when he offered to call my dad for me, because she was acting a lot like Satan, in my opinion..

Like I said, I was lovely. And traumatized.

***

Alright, main points of the story:

Try to make these scenes more realistic. If your character isn't within inches of dying, there's really not going to be one of those dramatic rushes down the white halls. In fact, there's probably going to be a really long, really uncomfortable wait.

Also, don't feel like they have to be used for a dramatic moment. Hospital scenes can be funny. I mean, did you read how crazy I was up there? I threatened to kill my best friend way more than just a handful of time. And I had these wonderful thoughts about killing lots of other people too. (Don't forget about all the paranoia either).

Try to capture that disoriented feeling your character is no doubt experiencing. I read so many scenes with characters having cohesive thoughts. I was freaked out, but when I read these scenes, I don't get that sense of urgency.

Naturally, I'm not that big of a bitch in real life (although I'm sure some of you are willing to argue that I am after reading these rants). This is your chance to tweak your little MC's carefully crafted character. They probably aren't going to be themselves after going through such a traumatic experience. Make your reader feel that sense of imbalance.

Another thing: nothing is more awkward than medical history. Honestly. If you think I'm wrong, trying going over your bathroom habits with anyone. It's just...strange. This could be a potentially great, humorous moment. (Just try to keep it relevant if possible).

Make it different. Everyone knows the dramatic running, screaming, crying moments. The family waiting for any kind of news. The doctors sweating over the patient and talking with their crazy Latin medical jargon. But how many people know about the odd visit by the girl who just cracked her knuckles open and needs a couple of stitches? Imagine how she feels trying to fill out this intensely personal form with all these people sitting around her probably reading the answers over her shoulder.

Use my experience if you have no ideas. I'm totally cool with that. Just make it entertaining.

Make it unique. For once I'd like to read one that wasn't overly dramatic.

Doctors and nurses are fun people. Show that when you develop them in your story. And just enjoy it for once!

Okay, over to the side is just a video by the very funny Joseph Birdsong. It has nothing to do with this rant, but I find him hilarious. He's my favorite YouTuber. Hopefully it makes you smile! Have a lovely day and thanks for reading!