Cat Fight In The Kitchen-Wattpad Rant

Hospital Scenes

Oh. My. God. I've never done anything so embarrassing. You can imagine my distress when he starts reading questions about (of all things) menstrual cycles, bathroom habits, sex life, pregnancies, breast feeding, etcetera.

And I don't know what was worse: him asking me in the crowded waiting room, or the fact that I felt it necessary to answer with the embellishment of colorful language (Luckily when he asked when my last period was and I made a pretty off color remark to him, he didn't answer "okay, I'll take that as 'currently in progress' like I expected him to).

I also clearly remember my rant about "this has nothing to do with my goddamn head" which I'll spare you from having to read. But I'm sure the six year old girl and her father sitting beside us were very appreciative of my outburst.

It took us an hour to finish the damn thing. Sixty minutes of hell. It was over 50 questions that had nothing to do with my ailment and I actually had to think about some of them (which made my head hurt worse). Add that to my already disturbed persona and I was just a ball of sunshine, (you can't see me rolling my eyes at that).

Anyway, apparently I'm even more of a pessimist when I'm sick, too, because I got very paranoid.

My mom's veins started moving when she had kids, so it's nearly impossible to give her an IV or draw blood from her or anything, because they literally move, so nurses have to dig needles into her arm just to find a vein that only moves again after they find it. And, I got paranoid that the same thing was going to happen to me.

Now, I'd had several IVs a few months prior for dehydration and it was discovered that my veins are fine. But in that moment, I was convinced that they weren't going to work and I was going to get to spend the rest of the night with a weird little nurse trying to pull my skin off just to get to a vein. And I made sure my best friend knew that these thoughts were plaguing me.

I had a bit of a meltdown which led to him feeling up my arm and convincing me that I had a very strong vein in my hand if nowhere else. So this literally took an hour. I panicked over it for an hour during which time I begged to be taken home. But as the best friend said "I already know too many strange things about you. We're in too deep, we have to finish this now."

Two hours in and I still had the headache from hell and I was still irrational.

Now, if you've ever had a migraine you know that there's sensitivity to light and sound and everything really. Well, I had my head resting on my best friend's arm and he has a deep voice, which is bad to have your ear so close to his vocal chords.

The vibrations, I decided, were very unpleasant, so while he was trying to calm me and say nice things about how hospitals are no big deal (and he would know), I flicked him in the throat. Do you know how bad that hurts? So bad. It shut him up for sure (which is sad, because it was actually soothing to hear what he had to say, but also painful.)

No doubt, my performance in the waiting area could have won me an award for bitch of the year.

But after three hours of waiting (three hours of pure torture (for both of us)) they finally had an open room (because apparently there were a bazillion people in the hospital and a shortage of rooms).

A little bitty guy dressed in green scrubs and a lovely nametag that said "Thomas" (I remember bitching later about how it was too shiny) came to take me back to my room. And after my outrageously colorful pleading they allowed my best friend to come (because I was freaked out and decided that I needed him for sanity reasons).

Again, those of you that have ever been impaired with headaches from Satan himself also know that you have no sense of balance when you walk, so this little nurse guy helped me walk to my room.