Hetalia one shots!!!

Red velvet pancakes

                          Existing

          James sat on the plump couch thinking. Matthew sat across from him on the recliner. Matthew was taking a film class over the summer, and he was assigned a project. Said project was to create a short film introducing yourself. James had been drafted to work behind the camera for a short interview that was to be edited into the overall film. The camera was pointed at Matthew, ready to film the interview. James sat with a card in his hand full of questions for him to ask Matthew. The forest outside cast a calm pattern of light over Matthew as he smiled shyly at the camera.

"Don't be afraid to speak up, ok?" James said, scanning the cards wearily. James had no intention of following all the questions on the cards, because he had a question for Matthew that he intended to be answered. The only problem was, whenever he tried to bring it up, Matthew always changed the subject.

Matthew and him had recently bought a house together, and not once since he has moved in, has Matthew looked in the mirror. Every time he got ready he didn't even glance in the mirror. When he washed his hands or brushed his teeth he always looked down. Whenever he was near a mirror his head was turned away.  He never looked at pictures of himself, nor did he take any. He didn't like pictures of himself on display either. When James tried to put up a photo of him and Matthew, he asked James to take it down, and was mopey till he got his wish. It was like this even before they moved in together.

It wasn't a bad picture either. It was of him and Matthew on a hike, Matthew carrying Kuma while Kumi marched alongside them. James had his arm over Matthew's shoulder and they were both smiling, albeit his was much smaller than Matthew's. At first James thought Matthew was shy about being in a public relationship, but when he asked Matthew he quickly denied it.

Now, James had his suspicions, hopefully just wild guesses, but the evidence was stacking up quickly, and he had every intention to ask Matthew.

    "are you ready, James?" Matthew asked quietly.

    "Sure" James said. "what's your favorite color?" He asked.

    "Red" Matthew answered.

"These questions are pretty generic." James stated, looking at the cards.

"Yeah, basically this part is supposed to show the viewer small facts about me, the rest of the video will do most of the explaining." Matthew explained patiently. James nodded to show he understood and looked back at the cards to read the next question.

    "What's your favorite animal?" He said, trying to think of a way to properly ask the next question.

    "Polar bears!" Matthew said with a smile. Meanwhile,  while James was happy that Matthew was enjoying himself, James was somewhat nervous about Matthew's reply to the next question. James knew he wasn't the best at expressing himself, he just thought that Matthew knew that he loved him, but now he felt kinda guilty, maybe he didn't tell Matthew he loved him enough? Was all this his fault?

    "Why don't you ever look in the mirror?" 'Yep, smooth, totally did that right. Stupid, Stupid, Stupid! well, shit.' Luckily, James's deadpan face revealed nothing of his inner thoughts.

    "w-what?!" Matthew answered, his smile quickly falling, being replaced by a look of worry and surprise. 'shit shIT SHIT I SCREWED UP.'

    " Why don't you look in the mirror. Why don't you like pictures of yourself? Why don't you look at yourself in general? Don't say you don't do it. You comb your hair looking at the wall, you brush your teeth looking down. You won't let me put up any pictures that have you in them. Is something wrong?" James asked, trying to express his concern. Matthew seemed to crumble in on himself, slouching and looking down. James turned off the camera and walked to the couch Matthew was sitting on.

Without warning, James scooped up Matthew bridal style and sat down with him on his lap, pulling him in close, resting Matthew's head on his shoulder and pulling him into a tight hug.

"I know I don't tell you this enough, but I love you, you understand that? More than anyone else in the world. I care about you, so could you please tell me what's wrong so I can fix it?" James rubbed Matthew's back, holding him close with his other arm.

"I can't be fixed." Matthew said bitterly.

"Why would you need to be fixed?" James said.

"I'm nothing. Hardly anyone can see me, and those that do don't bother to notice me, or they leave me for someone better. The only reason anyone notices me is when you get angry at them for not noticing me and informing them of my existence. One day you will find someone better than me and leave to, and looking at myself only serves to remind me. I might as well not exist." Matthew said, quiet tears soaking James's shirt sleeve. James freaked out upon hearing that, repositioning Matthew so that he was looking him in the eye, one hand cupping his cheek gently, the other arm around Matthew.  James looked forlorn  at Matthew's tear streaked face, and wiped away the tears with his thumb.

"First of all, you are not nothing." James stated with as much seriousness as possible. "I have yet to find anyone smarter, kinder, or better than you in any way, and if I did, I sure as hell wouldn't leave you for them, because they wouldn't be you." James pressed his forehead to Matthew's. "If you didn't exist, I don't know what I'd do. I would miss every moment I spend with you, and I'm not giving that up anytime soon.  If either of us were to leave, it would be you. I'm staying with you as long as you can tolerate me." James stated with as much emotion as possible for him. A small, shy smile crept onto Matthew's face, the tears stopping. Matthew leaned away, placing his arms around James's neck and leaning his head on his shoulder. James sighed and shifted so they were laying down, his arms around Matthew. They stayed like this for a long time, and after, James made sure to say I love you more often.